On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman, 2 French men and 1 French woman, 2 German men and 1 German woman, 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman, 2 English men and 1 English woman, 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman, 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman, 2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman, 2 New Zealander men and 1 New Zealander woman, 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman, 2 American men and 1 American woman. One month later, the following things have occurred….
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together, having loads of sex.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Polish woman and they started swimming.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.
The two Australian men beat each other senseless fighting over the Australian woman, who called them both “bloody wankers” and is checking out all the other men.
Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.
The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey, but they are satisfied in that at least the English are not getting any.
The American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinions and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is mproving. The two American men have committed suicide.
Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
A guy burned two ears… so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened.
He said, I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang…so instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear…
But how did you burn the other ear? The doctor asked.
How do you think I called you people?
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
70. Let mice loose in his/her room.
Unless absolutely essential, borrowing to buy a depreciating asset is dumb.
– 36 Long
whats another word for fag?
Matthew Burciaga
(From a collection of anecdotes from behind the Iron Curtain:)
Q. Who were the first Communists?
A. Adam and Eve. They had no clothes, no apartment, only one apple between
them, and thought they lived in Paradise.
We painted our floor with luminous paint. So now the florescent what it used to be.
My sister opened a computer store on a beach in Hawaii. She sells C shells by the seashore.
A friend of mine told some jokes about religion and got put on the Sects Offenders List.
A guy turns up at a costume party carrying a woman on his back. What are you supposed to be? asked the host.
Im a snail. he said, Cant you see, Im carrying Michelle on my back.
Gardeners playing cards – weed em and reap.
A six-foot termite walks into a bar. He raps on the bar and asks:
Excuse me…is the bar tender here?
Perforation is a rip-off!
A poor soul worked at a company making blankets. He lost his job when the company folded.
And of course, there was the pillow and mattress manufacturing company that had a problem with staff…
Some of them just felt down all the time, and the rest were sleeping on the job.
And dont forget about the telecoms engineer who was committed to an asylum… They said he had too many hang-ups.
Friction. Its such a drag. And gravity sucks too.
For Theresa Muir who requested Canadian / Newfie humour:
Back in the days when trains ran in Newfoundland, a passenger was travelling from Corner Brook to St. Johnn when, all of a sudden, there was a tremendous thump and bang followed by a really rough ride for a few seconds. This was followed by another thump, bang and the ride became smooth again.
Just then, the conductor was passing through the car, so the passenger asked, What happened back there?
The conductor replied, Oh, we just ran over a mainlander.
The passenger asked, What, was he lying on the track?
The conductor replied, Oh no, he was out in the field but we got him!