Old and New Jokes

Young Ahmed Ben Bella loved all kinds of beans, and this understandably gave him embarrassing problems with flatulence. Out in the desert this did not matter – except to his camel, who sometimes dragged his nose in the sand after one of Ahmed Ben Bellas more worthy efforts. But, in his village Ahmed Ben Bella often brought shame upon himself and his family when he could not control himself.

One day Ahmed Ben Bella felt a mighty fart coming on. He was in the middle of the marketplace and made every effort to get through the great throng so as to not disgrace himself. But, as fate would have it, Ahmed Ben Bellas efforts were for naught. And, it was a mighty fart indeed: it blew over several of the shopkeepers stalls and dropped no fewer than three donkeys to their knees.

There was nothing to do but leave his home village in disgrace, and for fifty years Ahmed Ben Bella roamed the earth, hoping that the shame he had brought down upon himself would be forgotten. Finally, as an old, old man, Ahmed Ben Bella returned to the place of his birth. As he approached the outskirts of his town his boyhood memories came back to him. He saw a young man coming along the road the opposite way, and he asked him, Tell me, young neighbor, is dear old Akmed Khan doing well?

And the young man said, Oh, no, sir. The honored Akmed Khan died thirty-three years, four months, and two days after Ahmed Ben Bella cut the great fart in the marketplace.

A young lady went to a dance,and she had a low-cut, strapless gown on. Around her neck she wore a little golden airplane on a long chain. All night she noticed a young man staring at her.

In her embarrassment, she held up the airplane and said, Oh, you like my airplane, huh?

The young man smiled mischievously. No maam, I was just admiring the landing field.

You just bought your family their lst Atari game system.

You and your wife celebrate your anniversay at the K-mart cafeteria.

You think the only tools real men need are duck tape and caulk, and you have sucessful repair projects to prove it.

No matter what happens, there is always somebody who knew that it would.

A Washington Post/ABC News poll reveals that more than 80% of Americans favor major changes in the way elections are conducted.

Chage number one BETTER CANDIDATES!

One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn babys crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with the eyese glistening she slipped her arms around her husband.

A penny for your thoughts, she whispered in his ear.

Its amazing! he replied. I Just cant see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50!

This one man comes to America from a foreign country. He is at a baseball game for the first time. While he is sitting in the stands, he sees a man hit a ball and then run. He notices everyone get up and start to scream run. So the next time someone hits the ball he stands up and says run ya bastard run. Now that he got the hang of it he did this every time the ball was hit. A few minutes later he sees a guy lay down the bat and walk towards first base, so he gets up and says run ya bastard run. Every one started to laugh. He sat down in embarrassment and a man kindly leaned over his shoulder and said he doesnt have to run. The man replied why not? He said because hes got four balls. So the foreign man stood up and said . . .walk with pride my boy!

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

A father and his son were in the backyard trying to fly a kite. The boy held the kite up and the father ran pulling the string. The kite would go up in the air ten or eleven feet and flutter to the ground. Several tries and the same thing kept happening.

The wife was watching this from the kitchen window and she stepped to the door and called to her husband: Honey, what you need is more tail.

I know, I know replied the husband. Thats what I told you last night and you told me to go fly a kite.