Q: How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None: Leos are so enthusiastic they carry their own light.
06
May
06
May
Your photographs do you an injustice. They all look like you!
06
May
The blonde says to her friend, My boyfriend has the worst dandruff.
Her friend says, You should give him Head and Shoulders.
The blonde thinks for a minute and replies, how do you give shoulders?
06
May
The teacher came into the class one day and said, Students, todays assignment is to make a sentence using the word Omelette.
I volunteered and said That dude cussed me out but omelette it go instead of fighting about it!
06
May
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
Youre getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
Perhaps you know why women over fifty dont have babies: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
Every time I think about exercise, I lie down till the thought goes away.
God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
Its frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
If you can remain calm, you just dont have all the facts.
Stress reducer: Put a bag on your head. Mark it Closed for remodeling. **Caution – Leave air holes.
I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice part of living in a small town is that when I dont know what Im doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
Age doesnt always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
06
May
Apparently, they make wool!
06
May
What did 50 cent say to his grandma when she gave him a sweater for Christmas?
06
May
An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk. The young man really loves peanuts. One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the old mans peanuts. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to taking the peanuts.
Thats okay, the old man replies after a moment. Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocalate off the M&Ms.
06
May
(taken from http://www.yahoo.com/headlines/970126/news/stories/china_1.html
>Sunday January 26 6:52 AM EST
>
>China Gives Reporters New Reporting Rules
>
>BEIJING (Reuter) – China tightened its grip on the media on Sunday with
>directives on how to write news, ordering journalists not to advocate
>sex, violence and superstition and to fill their reports with
>patriotism and socialism.
Heres an example of how this works:
In the news, there were no crimes of sex, violence and superstition in
China today. At approximately 9:19 PM last night, however, Beijing
residents reported hearing screams of patriotism and socialism coming
from Tienamien square as army tanks rumbled through to quell a domestic
game of Mah Jhong, the national game and a favorite past time of many
happy patriotic, socialist residents.
06
May
What is a vampires favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving…