Old and New Jokes

[This mail, copyright, the Indian masses – C.]

There will be branches of Olive Garden all over India and they will be called OZinda Bagicha!
The only vegetarian dish will be Eggplant Parmesan and it will be called Anda-Pauda Parmeshwaran!
All Vadapav Gaadis and Stalls will be selling Pizza and Pasta.
Indias National Sport will be – of course, Soccer.
Laloo will lose his position as the national animal and will be replaced by Jayalalitha!
National vegetable – Zucchini!
There will be Pope John Pauls yearly visit TWICE every year!
Jahangir Art gallery will be renamed to Michaelangelos Confetti House!
Men in Indian Army will wear Mini Skirts! (Yikes!)

And … the number one thing that will happen if Sonia Becomes the Prime Minister of India is …

All Sindhi People will get promotions in their positions because Madame thinks they are all ITALIANS! (Kotwani, Multani, Vaswani … after all they do resemble Mussolini, Gianini, Benini …)

A sales reps car breaks down in the Scottish highlands.He sees a farmer and asks him where he can find a mechanic.

Och none of them aroond here laddie, says the farmer, Were all McDonalds.

I am Clinton of Borg. Your incomes will be assimilated.

Llega un tipo con una tremenda mujer y un pájaro a uno de los restaurantes más caros de la costa azul.

El tipo llama al mesero y pide una entrada para él y ella y 150 entradas para el pajaro, luego pide una pechuga para él y para ella y 345 para el pájaro, luego pide una trucha para él y para ella y 345 para el pájaro, luego pide un jugo para él y para ella y 590 para el pájaro, lo mismo el postre.

El tipo cancela en efectivo 345.000 dólares y le da propina de 5.000 al mesero.

El mesero intrigado le dice, Perdone señor, pero tengo curiosidad.

Ah, ya se lo que me va a preguntar. Mire, yo caminaba por Bogotá cuando me encontre una botella de la que salió un genio que me concedió tres deseos: El primero es ser rico. Yo puedo comprar toda la costa azul y me queda dinero. El segundo fue estar con la mujer más bella y sumisa del mundo y vea ese monumento…

El mesoro dice, ¿Y el pájaro?

Ah es que le pedí como tercer deseo, teniendo dinero y una super mujer, que me diera un pájaro insaciable…

Un octogenario, que durante toda su vida ha sido un gran vicioso y putero incorregible, sintiendo cercana la hora de su muerte pone un anuncio en el periódico:

Ofrezco estupenda colección de fotografías pornográficas a cambio de edición, incluso usada, de la Sagrada Biblia.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Godunov!
Godunov who!
Godunov to eat!

Drizzle

Your dogs barking at the back door. Your wifes barking at the front. Who do you let in? Well, its your call… but the dogll stop barking when you let him in.

Three lawyers and three engineers were traveling by train to the same meeting. At the station, the lawyers each buy a ticket but the engineers buy just one. When asked why, the engineers coyly said Youll see.

They all board the train, the lawyers taking seats, but the three engineers all crowding into the bathroom. After the train has left, the conductor comes around and takes the lawyers tickets and knocks on the bathroom door and says, Ticket Please. An arm stretches out from the bathroom and the conductor takes the proffered ticket. The lawyers were very impressed.

On the return trip, the lawyers proposed to emulate the gearheads and bought only one ticket. To their amazement, the engineers bought no ticket at all. When asked, the engineers said, Youll see.

All board the train and the lawyers and engineers cram into separate bathrooms to await the conductor. After a few minutes, one of the gearheads emerges from the bathroom, goes over to the lawyers bathroom, knocks on the door and says: Ticket please.

Q: What is the similarity between a viola joke and premature ejaculation?

A: You know its coming and there is not a damn thing that you can do to stop it.