Old and New Jokes

There are three girls strainded on an island: A brownhead from New York, A redhead from Nevada, and a blonde from Texas. THey find a geni bottle, and are all granted 1 wish each. The Brown wishes to go back to New York, so poof she was in New York. The red wishes to go back to Nevada, so poof she was in Nevada. The Blonde says that since those were her best friends she wants them both back here.

I hate when people say supposevly. What the hell is supposevly? Do you mean supposedly? Also, do you know how stupid you sound when you say, I could care less!? Saying this means that you do care, and that it is possible for you to care less. What you mean to say is, I could NOT care less!. Just a couple quick grammar lessons for idiots.

A person went to church every week, but feel asleep during the
sermon and the women said.. next time you fall asleep Im going
to stick this pen up your ass and he did fall asleep, the father
Began a story and said Does anyone know what so and so said then?
and the women had just stuck the pen up the guys ass as he stood up
and say Hallelujah! and then the father said Correct my son..

the next week as the father asked another question, the guy was jabbed
with the pen and Stood up to say AMEN! and the father said Right again
my son..

the next week the father began to talk about Adam and eve, he said
what did eve say to Adam after their 10th child? and the guy
was jabbed with the pen again and he stood up to yell very loudly
Shove that thing up my ass one more time and Ill rap it around your
face! and the father said, no Im sorry, anyone else?

What is pink, flies and has a helmet? Apig flying a jet fighter wereing a helmet!

A woman gets home, runs into her house, slams the door and says, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"The husband says, "Wow! Thats great! Im so happy!! Should I pack for the ocean, or should I pack for the mountains?"She says, "I dont care. Just get the hell out!"

Two guys are sharing a hospital room."What are you in for?""Im getting a circumcision.""Damn! I had that done when I was born and I couldnt walk for a year!"

Log off – Dont add a log to your wood stove

If Dell ran Christmas…
Wait a minute? Isnt IBM running this Christmas..?

A computers attention span is as long as its power cord.

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu…

Broiled Missionary: $25.00

Fried Explorer: $35.00

Baked Politician: $100.00.

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked , Why such a price difference for the politician?

The cook replied Have you ever tried to clean one of them?