One day a certain lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his flashing lights. She thought to herself, Uh-oh, what have I done now? Im not speeding. Im not drinking. I have my seat belt on! I have kept up my license dues and everything!
So, she pulled over and the police car pulled over to the side right behind her car. She drove her car slowly to a stop, slowly rolled down the window, and prepared for a ticket when she knew she didnt deserve it. A policeman walked up to her window, and spoke to her. The lady pointed to her ear and shook her head, meaning she was deaf. The policeman smiled slightly, and knowing sign language, signed back, I know. Im here to tell you that your horn is stuck.
Posted in Travel |
A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the
Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary about
the way of life there.
REPORTER:
Hello there, excuse me, Im from the BBC and Im gathering
material for a documentary about the way of life in the
remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an
interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you?
SCOTSMAN:
Certainly…
REPORTER:
Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name?
SCOTSMAN:
Well now theres a story. Yknow I deliver the mail round
here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they dont.
You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I built
more than half of them myself, but do they call me Donald
the Croftbuilder? No, they dont.
And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made
several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No,
they dont.
But, I tell you, a moments weakness with just ONE sheep ….
Posted in Ethnic |
10. They told me at the blood bank this might happen.
9. This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.
8. Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time!
7. I wasnt sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.
6. I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.
5. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?
4. Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
3. The coffee machine is broken…
2. Someone mustve put decaf in the wrong pot.
1. … in Jesus name. Amen.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
You might be a redneck if…
Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if theyve got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
Posted in Redneck |
Yo mammas so fat the cops had to use The Jaws of life to get her INTO her car!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Q: How many software vendors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: You have to do it yourself, pay them $99 for the privilege, and re-wire your sockets to suit the new bulb.
Posted in Lightbulb |
Q: How many field service engineers does it take to replace a dead light bulb?
A: None. They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as a feature.
Posted in Lightbulb |
Una pandilla de violadores se mete a un convento a punta de metralleta.
El jefe de los delincuentes ordena a gritos que se reúnan todas las religiosas y vocifera:
Ahora si, carajo, nos vamos a coger a todas. ¡A todas!
La superiora sale en defensa de las religiosas diciendo: ¡No, eso no ¡Por favor! ¡Nuestras reglas no nos lo permiten!
Está bien; responde el violador, entonces regresamos la próxima semana.
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Un paciente llama a la oficina de su psiquiatra y le pregunta a la secretaria:
Señorita, ¿está el pisiquiatra?
No señor, el doctor no está y, señor no se dice pisiquiatra sino siquiatra porque la P no suena. ¿Quiere dejarle algún mensaje?
SÃ, dÃgale que lo llamó _edro _érez, al que no se le _ara el _i_Ã.
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Un niño llega a una tienda y le pide al tendero:
Señor, ¿me hace el favor y me da un helado de ron con pasas?.
Tenga su helado, tenga su helado, le despacha el tendero.
A los 5 minutos:
Señor, ¿me hace el favor y me da un helado de ron con pasas?.
Y asÃ, continúa pidiendo varios, hasta que llegó el momento:
Señor, me hace el favor y me da el mismo helado, o si no le parto el vidrio de la vitrina.
Usted, ¿qué está borracho o qué?
¡Ay! ¿Acaso usted nunca ha perdido un primero de primaria?
Posted in Chistes chistosos |