A teacher asked a pupil a question, but she could barely hear the child speaking since the other kids were making too much noise. In an attempt to quiet them, she said, I can hear voices!
Two janitors outside heard the teacher and one said to the other, Jeez, she better stop telling the kids about her mental problems!
04
Nov
04
Nov
(sung to the tune of Its a Small World)
Its a world of Tribbles, a world of cheer
Its a world of wackos with pointed ears,
Punch a Klingon for fun,
Set your phaser on stun,
Its a Trek world after all!
(Chorus)
Its a Trek world after all!
Young and old fen heed the call!
Most with stories, some quite tall!
Its a Trek, Trek world!
Its a world at warp speed, a world of stars
Drinking sauryan brandy in sleazy bars.
Captian Kirk gets around,
keeps two feet off the ground!
Its a Trek world after all!
(Repeat chorus)
Its a world of gangsters, a world of cats,
Its a world where boogers can fly like bats!
Hippies sing in the hall,
watch the crew blow up Vall,
Its a Trek world after all!
(Repeat chorus)
Its a world of logical, a cast gone grey,
though they fight for peace in the Starfleet way.
Its a world just for me,
says Gene Rodd-en-ber-ee!
Its just my world after all
(Repeat chorus)
Its a world of androids who cant say no.
Its a world of doctors who come and go.
We have Wesley, the brain,
and an empath (in pain) —
Its a Trek world after all!
(Repeat chorus)
Its a world of captains with little hair,
Its a world of worms hiding who knows where.
Number One in Lame!
Super Wes saves the day!
Its a Trek world after all!
(Repeat chorus)
03
Nov
Yo mama so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!
03
Nov
A big issue over a little tissue.
03
Nov
Two idiots were hunting in the woods when they lost their
way. Elliot had read that when lost, you fire three times
in the air and help will come. So he did. Nothing happened.
An hour later he fired three more times. After another hour
his friend told him to try a third time.
… Okay, said Elliot, but were almost out of arrows.
02
Nov
There was a father and his young son who lived in a secluded village somewhere in central Australia.
The boys mother had left the father under difficult circumstances, and he had had bad experiences with women ever since.
So he took his boy aside one day and told him, Listen son, dont go messing around with women, because, you know, down there, theyve got teeth down there.
The boy listened intently to his fathers advice. Years passed, the boy has grown up and his father has died, leaving him alone.
So, one day, the boy ventures to the closest large town, where he goes to a club in search of companionship.
He strikes up a conversation with a beautiful young girl. Things are going well, and they end up back at her place.
They are about to get into bed when the boy remembers his fathers advice and shies away.
Whats wrong? she asks. Well, my father told me that women have teeth down there replied the young man.
Of course we havent got teeth down there!! Have a look if you like.
So he takes her up on the offer. He takes off her panties, and hes poking around, examining the ladys most private parts.
Hmmmm. I dont see any teeth down here, but you should see the state of your gums.
02
Nov
Jaimito entra en el baño sin llamar y se encuentra a su madre desnuda:
Anda, ¿qué es esto, mamá?
Nada hijo, que de pequeña me dieron un hachazo.
¡Pues te dieron en todo el coño!
02
Nov
Un tÃo llega a un Hotel, y le pregunta al recepcionista:
¿Tiene habitaciones libres?.
La única que me queda tiene que ser para un levantador de pesas.
¿Por qué?, responde el tÃo.
Porque tiene que sujetar con las manos la litera en la que duerme su compañero!
02
Nov
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
The most effective way to remember your wifes birthday is to forget it once.
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, Arent you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? The other replied, Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
A little boy asked his father, Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? And the father replied, I dont know son, Im still paying.
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesnt know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
Then there was a man who said, I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, You know, I was a fool when I married you. The husband replied, Yes, dear, but I was in love and didnt notice.
A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: Wife wanted. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. -Sacha Guitry
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. – Jackie Mason
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
02
Nov
Did you hear about the three ministers who were talking about their common problem with bats in the belfry of the church?
The first: I shot at them with a shotgun; but it only spoiled the woodwork.
The second: I tried a more humane approach, netting them and releasing them 100 Km away. But they beat me back to the church!
The third (who was looking pretty smug): I caught them, and baptized and confirmed each one. I havent seen them since.