Three couples went to a resturant. The women wanted to compliment the men with something that was on the table.
"Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?" said the first gal.
"Could you pass me the honey, honey?" said the second.
"Could you pass me the bacon, pig?" said the third.
17
May
16
May
Aún no habÃa comenzado la misa. Algunos conversaban bajito, otros rezaban. De repente, se aparece el diablo frente a la congregación. Todos salen disparados en estado de pánico. Todos, menos un viejito que ni se movió.
El diablo le clavó una mirada fulminante preguntando:
¿Y tú, no me tienes miedo?
¡Qué va, estuve casado con tu hermana por cuarenta años!
16
May
61. You almost forget how to drive.
62. Youll drink anything if its free..
63. People still cheat, its just more technologically advanced.
64. You get really good with excuses for skipping class.
65. The girl youre going to marry may live right next door, so keep your stereo down.
66. Ordering food at 1 am is a common occurance.
67. You never realized how cool you can be.
68. TV becomes a bigger time sucker than ever before.
69. You realize how great your hell summer job was once you get to work study.
70. Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them more than ever before.
16
May
In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
16
May
All is not lost, Its just a little hard to keep track of…
16
May
A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along.
Ill never do that again! he told his mother that evening. I didnt catch a thing!
Oh, next time Im sure shell be quiet and not scare the fish away, his mother said.
The boy said, It wasnt that. She ate all the bait.
16
May
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed-off and watched in horror as the ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.
Please allow me to help, Im a physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if youd just allow me!, she told him earnestly.
Ummph, oooh, nnooo, Ill be alright. Ill be fine in a few minutes, he replied as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
The woman takes it upon herself to begin to ease his pain. She began
to massage his groin.
After a few moments she asked, Does that feel better?
The man looked up at her and replied, Yes, that feels pretty good… but my thumb still hurts like hell!
16
May
A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong.
Ohhh, its my girlfriend. Oh yeah? Whats the problem?
When I asked her if she could learn to love me, he said, she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education.
15
May
Q. What would a hillbilly change his name to–who had finished third grade successfully, moved to Ohio, got a job in a factory, and moved into a better trailer park?
A. Mount William
15
May
Confusius say: He who drop watch in toilet, have shitty time.