Once the Indian prime minister Mr.Rajiv Gandhi wanted to visit Ethiopia and he was successful in implementing his plan and he flew to that country,there he was very pleased to hear from the President that they can have a call to heaven for just 3 minutes at a charge of just 2 bucks.Rajiv Gandhi was very much pleased and he called his mom then his grandparents and every one.Soon after his trip he summoned all the Indian scientists and ordered them to build a telephone such that he can call every one from his own country, after one month the scientists came with the solution and Rajiv made the first call to heaven but the cost for 3 minutes was just more than 300 bucks so he summoned all the scientists and asked them why the charge is so high, it is only 2 bucks in Ethiopia for which the scientists replied that from Ethiopia it is just an local call but from India it is an ISD.
A quick narrative. I always wanted a hopped up muscle car when I was younger. I couldnt afford one. Now I can, and I have one. Its a 70 Mustang, and her name is Bessie. Bessie is the proto-typical juvenile, male-caveman, scratch yourself and drink cheap beer car. Chromed engine, dual exhaust, 250 horsepower, big tires.
Im driving Bessie on Beach Boulevard behind an ancient guy in a beat up truck. He decides to turn in front of me without a blinker. I accelerate to swerve and avoid him, and this crazy, over aerobicized woman jumps in front of my car with her hand up. Meet Ethel, the neighborhood busybody/nuisance.
She proceeds to yell in my window, Hey, slow down you idiot. Im a well-bred, mellow guy by nature, so I ignore this. As I drive away, she yells, Jerk at me again. Twice? I turn around and drive up next to her.
Do you have a problem? I ask.
Yeah, why are you driving like an idiot?
I was driving like an idiot? How, exactly?
You were speeding. I watched you.
You were? I see. How did you measure my speed? (Ever the interrogator)
I heard you.
So, you measured my speed by ear?
I can hear.
How fast did you HEAR me going?
Look, she says, I dont have to take this. Here comes a cop. Ill wave him down.
THE POLICE? This woman is a trip. She waves him down, and proceeds to tell him that she observed me speeding. What happened? he asks. I told him the story, and told him that I accelerated to an indicated 33 mph (the speed limit is 35) to avoid a collision. Are those mufflers legal? Ethel asks. Shes pushing it. I reply, I have a C.A.R.B. exemption for them. I give the paperwork to the cop. She tries to find another thing to screw me with. She says, What about those big tires? They CANT be legal.
I began feeling little overheated gears in the back of my head start to turn. These tires were available on the 1970 Boss 429, I told the cop, Which makes them street legal as a replacement. Ethel gets angry. She whines, So youre not going to give out any tickets to this jerk? The cop says, No, I am not.
Ive about had it. So I say, Sir, this woman told you that she left the street at the corner, and then she met up with my car here. According to Title 39, pedestrians have to cross the street at a right angle. This woman admitted she crossed at a 45-degree angle, which is a ticketable offense.
What? The cop looks confused.
Also, she told you that she walked in front of my car to stop me. A citizen cant detain someone without probable cause, under Terry v. Ohio (My new favorite case). Since she couldnt measure my speed, she had no probable cause to detain me. That is an indictable offense.
The cop says, But, I didnt see any of this.
But, I said, I did, and, as an officer of the Court, I can demand her arrest. Ill agree to dismiss the Illegal Detention charge, but I want her cited for not crossing at a right angle and Hazardous Conduct on a Public Street.
The cop called his Lieutenant, and after the cop told the story, he authorized the summonses. She went home with $215.00 worth of traffic tickets, and they are worth a total of four points against her license, as well as the appropriate insurance surcharge! Of course, if she demands a trial I wont prosecute. But the look on her face as she walked away was more than enough satisfaction for me.
Yeah, Ive got a law degree, and Im not afraid to use it.
A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river.
The brunette wants to get across.
She yells across to the blonde, Hey, how do I get to the other side?
The blonde shakes her head and yells back –
People like you really piss me off. You ARE on the other side!
Confucious Say – Baby conceived in back seat of car with automatic transmission, grow up to be shiftless bastard.
A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.
Mommy, said the little boy, what are all those ladies doing?
Theyre waiting for their husbands to get off of work, she replied.
The cabbie turns around and says, Geez lady, why dont you tell him the truth? Their hookers. They have sex with men for money.
The little boys eyes get wide and he says, Is that true, mommy? His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks, Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have?
They mostly become cab drivers, she replied.
Q: What did the blonde say when the docter told her one leg was bigger than the other?
A: Like, Not even!
During a generation gap argument with his parents, young Michael told
his parents, I want freedom, excitement, adventure, and beautiful
women, and I cant find all that living here. Im leaving. Dont try
to stop me.With that he heads for the door. His father was right behind him.
Didnt you hear me? Dont try to stop me!Whos trying to stop you? his father replies. Im going too.
El general pasa lista:
Gabriel.
¡Presente!
Fernando.
¡Presente!
Eduardo.
¡Presente!
Eustaquio.
¡Ay, presente, papacito…!
¡A mà me gustan los hombres!, grita enfurecido el general.
¡Ay, pues a mà también!
Background: The Vice-President of the Philippines, Joseph Estrada (Erap for short), has a reputation for being …err… how shall I put it? Well… STUPID! Much like Dan Quayles reputation, I believe. The bad part is Erap was elected into office. Heres a sample Erap joke.
Vice-President Joseph Erap Estrada was invited to speak before an annual gathering of the Philippine Olympic Committee. Having no speech prepared for the event, he asked his aide to prepare one for him. Without reading it beforehand, he goes to the podium with his speech in hand and addresses the audience:
Good evening, he pauses for a while, staring at his speech with a bewildered face.
Ooouu… uuuoooO… ahem… ahem… OwwoooOwowwooh… Ohh… Ohhh… oooouuooouooo…, he struggles at his speech as his aide rushes to his side on stage.
Im having trouble reading this part, Erap whispers to him.
His aide looks at the speech for a moment then whispers to his ear, Sir, thats the olympic logo.
On a certain day, a nusery skool pupil was coming back from skool and he borded a danfo bus. On the way he started reciting what he has been thought at skool, he was saying things like; if my mfather is a cock and my mother a hen then i am a chicken, if my father is lion and my mother a lioness, then i a cub, if my father is a ram and my mother a sheep, then i am a lamb…and things like that. the danfo driver felt disturbed by the little boys pratling and wanted to ask the boy a question that will make him keep quit and he asked ; if u father is a drunk and ur mother an ashawo, what re u. And the boy answered i am a danfo driver.