Una niña llega asustada y corriendo a su casa:
¡Mamá, mamá!
¿Qué sucede?, pregunta angustiada la madre.
Mamá, ¿es cierto que los bebés nacen, por donde el hombre le mete el pene a la mujer?
Con dulzura, la madre le responde a la niña:
SÃ, hija, pero ¿por qué te asustas?
¡Ay, mamá, es que tengo miedo que cuando nazca el hijo de Juanito, me tumbe los dientes!
One day two men were fishing, when a Game Warden slipped up on themand asked
to see their fishing licences.One of the men took off running in . So
the warden started chasinghim. He ran after the man up and down the
side of the river, thru the swamp,up the side of a mountain, the man swam across the
river with the warden right behind him . Then he swam back across the river with the warden still right behind him.Finaly after about three miles of chasnig the game warden caught up with the man, bleeding and out of breath the warden asked to see his fishing licence. The man reached in his pocket and pulled out his licence and
handed it to the warden.And the warden asked why did you run? The man just looked at the warden and smiled and said the other guy didnt have his licence.
Two doctors opened an office in a small town.
They put up a sign reading: Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.
The town council was not too happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to: Hysterias and Posteriors.
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.
No go! Next they tried Catatonics and Colonics Thumbs down again.
Then came, Manic-Depressives and Anal-Retentives.
But is was still not good! So they tried:
Minds and Behinds
Analysis and Anal Cysts
Nuts and Butts
Freaks and Cheeks
Loons and Moons
Lost Souls and Ass Holes
None worked.
Almost at their wits end, the doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be accepted by the council:
Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Odds and Ends.
APPROVED!
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !
You might be a redneck if…
The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
A man is complaining to his attractive blonde wife that theyre having money problems. The blonde tells him not to worry, and that she has an idea about how to make some money.
Several hours later, she comes home, and her husband asks her how much she made.
One hundred dollars and twenty-five cents, she replied proudly.
He looked at her with a confused expression and asked who gave her the quarter.
Everybody, she replied.
Okay, so this blonde is driving by in his red sports car, and he sees
another blonde rowing with oars in a cornfield.
Well, he is just absolutely furious and he gets out of the car and yells to
the blonde in the cornfield: Hey, if I knew how to swim, Id go right out
there and give you a piece of my mind!
Theres this couple and theyve been dating for quite some time. He wants her really bad, but she wont sleep with him because shes saving herself for marriage. As they were kissing, and doing their thing, hes very hot and bothered, and he said, Oh come on, just a feel.
She said, No, Im saving myself for marriage.
They went back and forth. He said, Just one feel, I promise, thats all, just one feel.
She finally agreed, Okay, just one feel, but thats all, just one, Im saving myself for marriage.
So he puts his hand down her panties and takes a little feel. Things are getting a lot warmer and he asks, Cant we please?
She of course states, NO, Im saving myself for marriage.
He says, Please, please? and she says, No, absolutely not, Im saving myself for marriage.
He says, How about if I agree to only just put the tip in?
She says, No way, Im saving myself for marriage.
He begs and pleads with her, I promise, just the tip, no more,and well stop after that.
She finally gives in, Okay, but just the tip, no more, and thats all.
He says okay and pulls down her panties and puts the tip in… hes so hot and ready that he cant control himself shoves it the whole way in and starts going to town… she meanwhile is moaning and groaning and shouts, OKAY, GO AHEAD, PUT IT THE WHOLE WAY IN!
A little stunned, he says, NO, absolutely not, a deals a deal!
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: Thanks for the refill!
Here are some hockey player pick-up lines … which, Im sure, have never been tried on them because they hang with a better class of male species … Enjoy …
What do you say we drop the gloves and go at it?
Look, my teeth spell out I love you in block letters!
My other stick curves to the right
So this guy says he hates hockey players because they have no tact and are easily distracted, so I … Hey! Babe! Wanna do the nasty?
Bagy, yrrr so beurdiffle dat I feel I can be nacheral wif yoo.
You heard right: I only take off this mask for two things.
I said, Would you like a PUCK?
You know, less teeth means more tongue!
I may be toothless, sweaty, and all black and blue, but I make a mean quiche Loraine.
I only drool when Im standing upright.
Hi, Im Zam. How would you like a Zamboni ride?
Well if I cant score, can I get an assist?
Tho … Whatth your thighn?
Cmon baby, the iceman cometh … but never too soon.
Me take you eat
and The Number 1 Hockey Player Pick-Up Line …
Were gonna go beat up Scott Hamilton. Wanna cum?