Old and New Jokes

A priest, seeing a blank signboard hanging on a lamppost wrote upon it: I pray for all.

A Solicitor wrote underneath: I plead for all.



A doctor added: I prescribe for all.



A simple citizen wrote: I pay for all.

Knock knock

Whos there?



Boo



Boo who?



Sorry I didnt mean to make you cry.

The door wont close.

How can you tell if there has been an elephant in your fridge?

There is a set of footprints in the butter.

How can you tell if two elephants have been in your fridge?

There are two sets of footprints in the butter.

How can you tell if three elephants have been in your fridge?

There are three sets of footprints in the butter.

How can you tell if four elephants have been in your fridge?

There is a red mini parked outside.

John: Knock Knock
Ron: Whos There
John: Ice Cream Soda
Ron: Ice Cream Soda Who
John: Ice Cream Soda People Can Hear Me

A mother and her young son were flying from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why dont big planes have baby planes? The mother said, Well, maybe thats something you could ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why dont big planes have baby planes? The stewardess responded, Did your mother tell you to ask me? The boy admitted that this was the case. Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because our airline always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you.

Q: How many loggers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They cant do it, the light will disturb the spotted owls.
Note : Topical to successful environmentalist pressures to stop logging in the NW U.S. to protect the endangered spotted owl species.

Two lawyers are walking on the beach. A lovely blond woman in a skimpy bikini walks by.

Lawyer #1 says, Boy, wouldnt you like to screw her?

Lawyer #2 then asks, Screw her out of what?

En la playa dos amigas están conversando:

¡Oh, querida, has rebajado mucho!

Es que mi marido me está engañando con otra mujer.

Entonces, ¡divórciate!

¡Por ahora, no, quiero rebajar diez libras más!

Q. What does Winnie the Poo call his mother?

A. PooNannie

A family enter alarge departmental store in a predigious area of London.After browsing the store for several moments they purchase some goods and head for the large counter at the front of the store.It is then that they notice a seal standing in acorner situated near the counter. He appeared to be dressed in a period english gentlemans outfit and nodded frequently when customers goods were packaged.The afore mentioned family then placed their purchases on the counter and each time goods were packaged the seal nodded as if in agreement.Afterthe third purchase was made the head of the family asked the counter assistant why the seal nodded each time a purchase was made. Oh,I,m surprised you asked me that because he is obviously our seal of approval