It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walked down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he found his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.



Jake asked her, What are you up to?



Alice smiled. Im going hunting with you!



Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decided to take her along. Later they arrived at the hunting site. Jake set his wife safely up in the tree stand and told her, If you see a deer, take careful aim and Ill come running back as soon as I hear the shot.



Jake walked away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldnt bag an elephant, much less a deer. Not 10 minutes passed when he was startled as he heard an array of gunshots.



Quickly, Jake ran back. As Jake got closer to her stand, he heard Alice screaming: Get away from my deer!



Confused, Jake raced faster towards his screaming wife. And again he heard her yell: Get away from my deer! followed by another volley of gunfire!



Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake was surprised to see a guy standing there with his hands high in the air. The guy, obviously distraught, said, Okay, lady, okay!!!! You can have your deer!!! Just let me get my saddle off it!

Knock Knock



Whos There?





Ophelia





Ophelia Who?





Ophelia Heinie

Whats the difference between a polythene bag and Michael Jackson?



A: One is made of plastic and dangerous to



children,the other is used to carry your



shopping home!

A redneck was standing in the middle of the road yelling, 57! 57! A blonde saw her doing this so she ran to the middle of the road and started yelling, 57! 57!.

A tractor trailer was coming down the road towards them at about 60 miles per hour, so the redneck jumped to the side of the road. The blonde, however, got hit by the truck and got smeared all over the road.

Then the redneck jumped back on the road and started yelling, 58! 58!

Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee

They told me I was gullible…and I believed them!

A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner. As he looks around, he notices a diner being served a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle. When the waiter asks him for his order, the man asks him about the meatball dish. The waiter explains that the meatballs are bulls testicles, and when the bull loses the bullfight, the bull is brought to the restaurant, and this beautiful dish is made.
The diner tells the waiter that he wants the bulls testicles for dinner, but the waiter tells him that only one bull a day is brought to the restaurant, but he can have it tommorrow. The diner agrees. The next day the diner goes to the restaurant, and orders the testicle dish. When his food is brought out, he notices that the meatballs are extremely small. He mentions this to the waiter, and the waiter replies, Well sir you have to understand, sometimes the bull wins.