The Eight Days of Hanukkah
On the first night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the second night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the third night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the fourth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the fifth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the sixth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
6 pickled herrings
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the seventh night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
7 noodle kugels
6 pickled herrings
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the eighth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
8 Alka- Seltzer
7 noodle kugels
6 pickled herrings
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. Does your dog bite?
No.
A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.
I thought you said your dog didnt bite! the man says indignantly.
Thats not my dog.
A man entered a bank with a gun in his hand. He yelled, Im going
to rob every man in this bank, and Im going to kiss every woman.
One of the men who had accompanied his wife to the bank said,
You may rob all of us men, but youre not going to kiss all the
ladies!
His wife punched him in the ribs and said, Now leave him alone,
Herb. Hes robbing the bank.
Hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?Its called, Sosumi.
There was a blonde and a brunette watching the 10:00 news. A news reporter was in the foreground, giving a report. In the background there was a man and a bridge.
Ill bet you 50 bucks that the guy jumps off of the bridge, the brunette said to the blonde. Okay, its a bet. A moment later, the man did jump off the bridge and the blonde pulled out 50 dollars. I cant take it. You have to, it was a bet. I really cant take it. You see, I watched the 6:00 news and saw him jump then. The brunette was feeling very humble at this point.
And the blonde said… Well, I watched it too, but I didnt think hed jump twice!
Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!
Q: Why does a viola burn longer than a violin?
A: It is usually still in the case.
Once upon a time, there was a magical jungle called Mimbubu.
In this magical jungle there lived a tribe of Amazon Pygmies.
Legend has it that the Mimbubu jungle was inhabited by an evil and deadly bird, the Foo bird.
The tribe tells the story of how the Foo bird stalks its prey while passing unaware through the Mimbubu jungle, and when the unsuspecting victim is least aware, the Foo bird lays a single bird dropping on them.
Now the bird dropping proves no harm, but to the unfortunate victim, removing or brushing off the bird dropping results in instantaneous DEATH!!!
Needless to say, the people of Mimbubu spend their entire lives covered in bird droppings from the Foo bird.
And what, you might ask, is their tribe motto?
If the Foo shits, wear it.
An Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in an old Western town when he noticed a curious lack of women. Walking into the local saloon he asked a local, What do you fellas do around here for entertainment?
Ya mean women? asked the local yokel.
We aint got none. Round here folks fuck sheep.
Thats disgusting, cried the correspondent, Ive never heard of such moral degredation.
However, after a few months, the correspondents rocks were beginning to ache and the sheep were looking more and more attractive. So he finally went out and found himself a comely sheep, brought her back to his room, shampooed her and then tied ribbons in her hair. After a bottle of champagne, he lured the sheep into his bedchamber and released his pent-up frustrations.
Afterward, he escorted his four-legged lover to the saloon for a drink. As the correspondent and his wooly mate entered, a hush fell over the patrons and the anxious couple became the object of many stares.
You goddamn bunch of hypocrites! the reporter yelled. Youve been fucking sheep for years, but when I do it up right you look at me like Im some sort of crazy pervert!
One cowboy in the back of the crowd spoke up, Yeah, but thats the sheriffs gal!
how is a blonde and a pool table alike?
you put in fifty cents and they rack your balls