A man went to his lawyer and said, I would like to make Out a will but I dont know exactly how to go about it.
The lawyer said, No problem, leave it all to me.
The man looked somewhat upset and said, Well, I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I would like to leave a little to my children too!
You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard!
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for minimal lettuce. He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
IDIOTS & COMPUTERS
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: Ive got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?
What is a skeletons favorite musical instrument?
A trombone…
A blonde says to a brunette, Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.
The brunette says, Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.
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A blonde was having sharp pains in her side.
The doctor examined her and said, You have acute appendicitis.
The blond yelled at the doctor…
I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment!!
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A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop.
The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun.
So he told her all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.
After 15 minutes of this, the blondes blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.
Im trying to pop out this dent, but its not really working.
Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!
Who is the smartest blonde?
A golden retreiver!
Yo mama so fat that when she sits around
the house… she sits AROUND the house.
An American is walking down the street when he sees a Polak with a very long pole and a yardstick. Hes standing the pole on its end and trying to reach the top of it with his yardstick.
Seeing the Polaks ignorance, the American wrenches the pole out of his hand, lays it on the sidewalk, measures it with the yardstick, and says, There! 10 feet long.
The Polak grabs the yardstick and shouts, You idiot American! I dont care how long it is! I want to know how high it is!