Aries: Okay, lets do it again!Taurus: Im hungry–pass the pizza.Gemini: Have you seen the remote?Cancer: When are we getting married?Leo: Wasnt I fantastic?Virgo: I need to wash the sheets.Libra: I liked it if you liked it.Scorpio: Perhaps I should untie you.Sagittarius: Dont call me–Ill call you.Capricorn: Do you have a business card?Aquarius: Now lets try it with our clothes off!Pisces: What did you say your name was again?
20
May
20
May
Q. Why is it good to have a desi friend ?
A. You can get your assignments done.
20
May
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail – and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him….what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, its good): A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
19
May
What happens to the holes when all the cheese has been eaten?
If you put orange juice in the freezer it becomes frozen, then why when you squeeze an orange doesnt it become squozen?
Why is there only one Monopolies commission?
Why do ballet dancers always dance on their toes? Wouldnt it be easier to just hire taller dancers?
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
19
May
The Eight Days of Hanukkah
On the first night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the second night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the third night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the fourth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the fifth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the sixth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
6 pickled herrings
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the seventh night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
7 noodle kugels
6 pickled herrings
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the eighth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
8 Alka- Seltzer
7 noodle kugels
6 pickled herrings
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
19
May
A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. Does your dog bite?
No.
A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.
I thought you said your dog didnt bite! the man says indignantly.
Thats not my dog.
19
May
A man entered a bank with a gun in his hand. He yelled, Im going
to rob every man in this bank, and Im going to kiss every woman.
One of the men who had accompanied his wife to the bank said,
You may rob all of us men, but youre not going to kiss all the
ladies!
His wife punched him in the ribs and said, Now leave him alone,
Herb. Hes robbing the bank.
19
May
Hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?Its called, Sosumi.
19
May
There was a blonde and a brunette watching the 10:00 news. A news reporter was in the foreground, giving a report. In the background there was a man and a bridge.
Ill bet you 50 bucks that the guy jumps off of the bridge, the brunette said to the blonde. Okay, its a bet. A moment later, the man did jump off the bridge and the blonde pulled out 50 dollars. I cant take it. You have to, it was a bet. I really cant take it. You see, I watched the 6:00 news and saw him jump then. The brunette was feeling very humble at this point.
And the blonde said… Well, I watched it too, but I didnt think hed jump twice!
18
May
Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!