Old and New Jokes

Resulta que eran dos maricas que eran pareja, Doroteo (Dory) y Baudelio (Baudi), y llega corriendo Dory emocionado(a) con Baudy:

¡Baudy, Baudy! ¡No me lo vas a creer! ¿adivina que me pasó?

Y Baudy sorprendido le responde:

¿Qué?

Pues… ¡que ya me bajooo!

Noooooo, no lo puedo creer…

Siiiiiiiiii, fíjate y verás

Baudy se asoma a verle la entrepierna y le ve un sangrero y pega un gritote de emoción:

¡Sí es cierto, sí es cierto! No seas mala, pasate la receta, ¿qué te hiciste?

Pues nomás me tomé un té de hojas.

¿Pero hojas de qué? ¿de yerba buena? ¿de cilantro? ¿de naranjo? ¿de queeeee?

¡Pues de hojas de rasurar!

Están en una instrucción militar y el instructor dice:

Por mi forma de hablar, mi físico y el tambaleo de mi mano tendreis que decirme mi edad.

Todos los asistentes se quedaron desconcertados menos uno que dijo:

44.

¿Cómo lo ha sabido?

Por su esbelta forma de escribir, por su deplorable físico, y sobre todo porque mi hermano tiene 22 y es medio gilipollas.

A Huey Cobra practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise had a problem and landed on the tail rotor, separating the tailboom. Fortunately, it wound up on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s in a brilliant shower of sparks.

As the Cobra passed the tower, the following exchange was overheard:



Tower: Sir, do you need any assistance?



Cobra: I dont know, tower. We arent done crashing yet!

A man walks into the bathroom and sees another guy standing at the urinal with no arms. the guy goes, man, u really gotta help me man!!! i really gotta go to the bathroom but as u can see i aint got no arms! so the other guy hesitates, looks around, and then unzips the guys fly 4 him. well, could… could you get it out for me? so the other guy sighs, looks around, and gets ready to pull it out when, he notices its all swollen and scabby and infected. with a bad look, he takes it out quickly and gets ready to leave when he asks, could– could you hold it for me? the guy gets ready to say no, but, seeing the situation, he felt sorry for the guy. so, he looks around again, and holds it. so the guy does is businuss and gets all done. so when the guy gets ready to leave again, the other guy says, well um… could u put it back in? so the guy looks around once again, hesitates and puts it back in. thanks man! thanks! he says. the guy couldnt help it, he said, man, whats the matter with it? its all red a scabby and swollen! so the armless guy sticks his arms out of his shirt and says, i dunno, dude, thats why i got you to hold it!

There was three guyz on an island, lets call them 1,2, and 3. they were on the brink of death when 1 found a lamp with a genie in it. The genie tells them to get 10 of the same fruit and then come back to him.3 returns first with apples. The genie tells him okay shove these 10 apples up your butt and if you do not change your facial expression ill get you off this island. So he starts 1,2,3,4,5 then he yells in pain so he is stuck on the island forever.2 returns with berries and the genie tells him the same thing. So he begins 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 then he starts cracking up laughing, so he is punished by being stranded on the island forever. while 1 is testing his talent 3 asks 2 Why did you satart laughing, you were so close?! 2 said i saw 1 had pineapples!

Did you hear about the constipated accountant who tried to work it out with a pencil?

What do they call Ex-Lax in Holland?

Dutch Cleanser

What advice did Yasar Arafat give President Clinton in their meeting
on January 22, 1998?

Bill… Goats dont talk!!

These are names of real towns in the US:

Aromatic Creek, MO

Go to Hell Gulch, SD

Caress, WV

Flirtation, CO

Kiss Me Quick, SD

Benign Peak, AK

Bellicose Peak, AK

Deception Creek, AR

Delusion Lake, WY

Another River, AK

Peculiar, MO

Yum Yum, TN

Climax, OR

Ding Dong, TX

Do Stop, KY

Goon Dip Mountain, AK

from The Game of Words by W.R. Espy

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in
a chair on his porch. I couldnt help noticing
how happy you look, she said. Whats your secret
for a long happy life?I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, he said.
I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty
foods, and never exercise.Thats amazing, the woman said. How old are you?Twenty-six! he said.