Q: How many Pentagon procurement officers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Look, for only $87 billion, we can put up this chain of fluorescent satellites that will illuminate the whole planet.
10
Jan
10
Jan
Esto si es ser un amigo:
Cuando estés triste… Nos iremos de parranda y te ayudaré a planear la venganza contra el cabrón(a) que te puso asÃ.
Cuando sonrÃas… Sabré que por fin te acostaste con alguien.
Cuando estés asustado… Te diré con todo mi corazón: ¡No mames, cabrón, eso se quita con una pomada!
Cuando estés preocupado… Te diré mirándote a los ojos: ¡Ni pedo, compa, todo por andar de caliente!
Cuando estés confundido… Platicaremos y te haré ver que te debes quedar con la más buena.
Cuando estés enfermo… No te acerques a mà hasta que estés mejor. ¡No quiero que me contagies!
Cuando caigas… Me reiré de ti y de lo idiota que eres.
Este es mi juramento… y lo seguiré hasta el final. Tal vez te preguntarás ¿por qué?
¡PORQUE SOY TU AMIGO!
Intenta mandarlo a diez de tus más cercanos amigos y deprÃmete porque sólo tienes dos, y uno de ellos no te habla en estos momentos porque está encabronado contigo.
10
Jan
Stargazing
There are 2 blonds sitting on a porch in Kansas looking at the moon.
1 blond says to the other, which do you think is closer? The moon or Texas?
The other blond says duh!Can you see Texas?
10
Jan
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
10
Jan
Whats
the smartest thing to come out of a womans mouth?
Einsteins Cock.
09
Jan
En un certamen para saber quien habÃa construido el cohete más potente del mundo, estaban como finalistas un francés, un estadounidense y un tontilandés.
Nosotros hemos inventado un aparato que va hasta Marte, da vuelta y vuelve, dice el francés.
La gente flipando.
En su turno, el yanqui, todo chulo, presume: Mi paÃs ha construido una nave espacial que da la vuelta al sistema solar y vuelve… y todavÃa tiene gasolina para dar tres vueltas más.
La gente se descontrola.
En su momento, el de Tontilandia asegura: Yo he inventado un cohete que va al sol y vuelve…
¡Eso es imposible, porque se quemarÃa!, le reclama el público.
¡¿Creéis que lo enviarÃa de dÃa, o qué?!, se defiende el tontilandés.
09
Jan
Vroom…Screech…vroom..screech………
09
Jan
A protestant moved into a completely Catholic community. Being good Catholics they welcomed him into their community. But, also because they were good Catholics they did not eat red meat on Fridays. So, when their neighbor began barbequeing some juicy steak on Friday night, they began to squirm.
They were so annoyed that they went to talk to him about it. After much talk they conviced him to become Catholic. The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled holy water on him and said:
You were born Protestant.
You were raised Protestant.
But now you are Catholic!
And so, the next Friday, as the neighbors sat down to eat their fish, they were disturbed by the smell of roast beef coming from the neighboring house. They went over to talk to the new Catholic because he knew he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays. When they saw him, he was sprinkling ketchup on the beef saying:
You were born a cow.
You were raised a cow.
But now you are fish!
08
Jan
This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop. So the married couple walked in.
The Pakistani man said to them, I have some special sandals I think youd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel.
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didnt need them, being the sex god he was. The husband asked the man, How could sandals make you into a sex freak?
The Pakistani man replied, Just try them on. Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadnt seen in many years— raw sexual power. In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on a table and started tearing at the guys pants. All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!
07
Jan
5 Good Reasons not to be a Penis!
1. Youre bald your entire life.
2. You have a hole in your head.
3. You live between two nuts.
4. An asshole lives behind you.
5. When you get excited, you throw up and then you faint.