Old and New Jokes

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.

Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, Youre terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and Ill see to it that you get a huge bonus.

Forget the bonus, the turkey said, All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?

Dios estaba dando nombres a los animales:

Tu te llamarás elefante…

Tu garza…

Tu perro…

Y las mulas nada más leyendo…

Tu te llamarás gato…

Y las mulas nada más leyendo…

Tu te llamaras león…

Y las mulas nada más leyendo…

God, Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Boris Yeltson are all at dinner. In the middle of dinner God says, Tomorrow I am going to destroy the world.



Boris Yeltson goes back to Russia and tells his cabinet 2 bad things god does exist and tomorrow hes going to destroy the world.





Clinton goes back to the U.S.A. and tells everyone that there is 1 good thing and 1 bad thing the good thing is god really does exist and the bad thing is he is going to destroy the world tomorrow.





Gates goes back to Microsoft and says 2 great things Im one of the 3 most important people in the world and the Y2K (Year 2000) problem is solved.

A stone was placed at a ford in a river with the inscription:
When this stone is covered it is dangerous to ford here.

There were three men: an Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Chinese guy. They were having a competition to see which one could walk his dog over the desert without needing a drink.

So the Englishman sets off, but he only gets half way.

Then the Scotsman sets off, and he only gets half way too.

But the Chinise guy manages to get all the way across the desert.

The Englishman and the Scottsman asked him how he could possibly do that without any water?

Me Chinese. Me not Silly, Me stick mouth round doggys willy

Two guys are in a locker room after their racquetball game when one guy notices the other has a cork in his ass.

If you dont mind me saying, said the second, that cork looks terribly uncomfortable. Why dont you take it out?

I cant, lamented the first man. Its permanent.

I dont understand, said the other.

The first guy says, I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge man in a turban came oozing out. He said, I am Hasan the Genie. I can grant you one wish.

And I said … No shit?

A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression, he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, Id take it and pour it into the river."With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, Id take it and pour it into the river."And finally, he cried, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, Id take it and pour it into the river." Sermon complete, he then sat down.After a few moments, the song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: Shall We Gather at the River."

I called up the local auto club this morning to ask for a map of Colorado.
The receptionist who answered the phone asked me to spell my last name, and
then my first name.

Me: D-A-V-I-D.

Her: Was the first letter D as in David or B as in boy?

With a mind like that, she could be designing rocket boosters for
Morton-Thiokol.

What do you call a blonde behind a stearingwheel? An airbag!

Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying?
A: Only a Bill Clinton supporter is too dumb to know the answer to this one.