Satan greets him: Welcome Mr. Gates, weve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. Youve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since youve got me in a good mood, Ill be generous and give you a choice of three places in which youll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bills delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says Ill take this option.
Fine, says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.
As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. That was Bill Gates! cried Lucifer. Why did you give him the best place of all!
Thats what everyone thinks snickered Satan.
The bottle has a hole in it!
What about the PC?
Its got Windows 95! laughed Satan.
And its missing three keys,
Which three?
Control, Alt and Delete.
Posted in Religious |
One day at the entrance to heaven, St. Peter saw a New York street gang.
walk up to the Pearly Gates. This being a first, St. Peter ran to God and said, God,
there are some evil, thieving New Yorkers at the Pearly Gates. What do I do?.
God replied, Just do what you normally do with that type. Re-direct them down to hell.
St. Peter went back to carry out the order and all of a sudden he comes running back yelling God, God, theyre gone, theyre gone!
Who, the New Yorkers?.
No, the Pearly Gates.
Posted in Religious |
Q: How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?
A: Put it in a viola case.
Posted in Music |
Here is your punishmentHavent I seen your face before? a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
You have, Your Honor, the man answered hopefully. I gave your son violin lessons last winter.
Ah, yes, recalled the judge. Twenty years!
Posted in Music |
Q: There is a frog driving east and a trombonist walking west. What can be surmised from this?
A: The frogs probably on its way to a gig.
Posted in Music |
Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist?
A: He turned a peg and wouldnt tell the bass player which one.
Posted in Music |
Q: Why dont violists play hide and seek?
A: Because no one will look for them.
Posted in Music |
Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?
A: Play in the low register with a lot of wrong notes.
Posted in Music |
Q: What is the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section?
A: A semi-tone.
Posted in Music |
Q: What happens if you sing country music backwards?
A: You get your job and your wife back.
Posted in Music |