Q: How is Bill Clinton like an unemployed school teacher?
A: No class and no principals.
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Dec
31
Dec
My other car was cancelled by the Clinton Tax Bill.
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Dec
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: He doesnt! He whines a while, says I feel your pain, and gets congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames Republicans and special interests for not making lightbulbs free.
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Dec
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
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Dec
11. Bring a chainsaw, but dont use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say Just in case… mysteriously.
12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if theyre crazy while typing.
14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, Oops, I forgot.
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Dec
31. Laugh hysterically, shout You will all perish in flames!!! and continue working.
32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
34. Attempt to eat your computers mouse.
35. Borrow someone elses keyboard by reaching over, saying Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?, unplugging the keyboard & taking it.
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Dec
12. Thou shalt keep thy foul language to thyself.
31
Dec
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
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Dec
1. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
2. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
3. When you hear the toilet flush and the words, Uh-oh, its already too late.
4. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
5. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
6. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak – it explodes.
7. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
8. Some things will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old that youd imagine would remain in him or her.
9. Super glue is forever.
10. McGyver can teach us many things we dont want to know.
11. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still cant walk on water.
12. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
13. VCRs do not eject peanut butter and jelly sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
14. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
15. The fire department has at least a 5 minute response time.
16. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
17. It will however make cats dizzy.
18. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
31
Dec
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc. . ).