Old and New Jokes

IBM compatible – IBM contemptible

Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Megahertz – How your head feels after seventeen beers.

Q: Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because the angel had said, No L!

Q: Did you hear that one of Santas reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?
A: Its true . . . Comet cleans sinks!

Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Snowflakes.

Twas the night before Christmas
and throughout the substation,
Not a deputy stirred,
they were all on vacation.

The stockings were hung
on the wall with great care,
Next to some T-shirts
and old underwear.

I was working the night shift
compiling stats,
Answering the phone,
and feeding the rat.

When all of a sudden
there arose such a clatter,
I leapt from my desk
to see what was the matter!

I opened the door
with a creak and a crick,
And saw a jolly red fat man
I knew must be St. Nick.

I had seen his picture
a time or two,
He was wanted:
Article 27 – Section 342.

I threw open the door
and commanded him Freeze!
Put your hands on you head
and get down on your knees.

But he turned and he ran,
up the chimney he flew,
With me in pursuit,
toward Booth St. I knew.

When we got to the roof
Santa made for his sleigh,
Throwing down toys
and blocking my way.

As I got to the peak,
he threw down some crack,
I slipped and I fell
landing flat on my back.

To my front I was faced
with a toy M-1 tank,
And Pink Power Rangers
covering my flank.

On Dasher, on Dancer!,
he cried loud and clear.
Then I got off three rounds
and dropped the lead deer.

And I heard Santa say
as he sailed into the blue,
Merry Christmas to all!
My Lawyers will sue!

Make out your Chopin Liszt early before Debussy season, when you have time to check out Verdi good bargains are, can still get gifts Faure good price, not have to Handel large crowds and have time to give Bach things you decide you dont want.