Old and New Jokes

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, Lets fly out of the cave and get some blood.

Were new here, says the second one. Its dark out, and we dont know where to look. Wed better wait until the other bats go with us.

The first bat replies, Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere. He flies out of the cave.

When he returns, he is covered with blood.

The second bat says excitedly, Where did you get the blood?

The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, See that black building over there?

Yes, the other bat answers.

Well, says the first bat, I didnt.

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building…on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, Im afraid of widths.

I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now hes gone.

I put contact lenses in my dogs eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

I bought a dog the other day… I named him Stay. Its fun to call him… Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay! He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. Hes an East German Shepherd.

Whats the difference between a Blonde and a 747?

A Blondes got a bigger cockpit!

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Scroll down…

What goes vroom-screech-vroom-screech? A blonde at a flashing red light.

What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? An airbag.

Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom? So she can have a doggie bag for later.

What did the blonde mother say to the blonde daughter?

If youre not in bed by 12, you can come home!

What did Santa say to the three blondes?

Hoe hoe hoe

There are more jokes like this at http://www.dirtylaughs.com

One day three blondes were in a car and they were going to Paultons Park.They were following the signs which all said Paultons forward. But then they saw a sign and it said PAULTONS LEFT so they turned round and went home.