A dog walks into a bar and instead of rapping says to the bar tender Hey, Dog! How about a beer The dog drinks it and goes to the restroom. In the restroom he meets other dogs. All dogs Rap, and cuss thats how you know a DOG.
31
Dec
31
Dec
Boy:My uncle is in Leavenworth because he made big money.
Girl:How much?
Boy:About a third of an inch too big.
31
Dec
How did the man feel when he recieved a big bill from the electrick company?
answer He was shocked.
31
Dec
How to manage them so you can read this site at work.
When told to do something that cant be done… argue a bit, then go play solitaire for awhile. After about 2 or 3 hours, come back and say I tried… sorry, it cant be done. Usually this will satisfy their insistence on their ideas at least be tried.
Dont provide solutions, just more and more issues and questions.
Do EXACTLY what they tell you. This works well for bosses who have no idea whats going on and only use vague statements. You cant get in trouble for doing what they say…
Make references to the nice weather and how you should would like to be out there golfing. Eventually they will grow tired of hearing you and go play golf.
When your boss comes near you, start to sniffle or cough… and be sure to warn them that you might be getting that nasty cold that so and so has had for the last month. I have found that this quickly sends bosses hiding for cover in their office.
Send formal proposals for everything including making coffee, and all other miniscule tasks. Be sure to discuss them frequently with your boss, and they will learn to avoid you.
Create things like safety checklists and perform them often. Claim the safety department requires it… or better yet… its a QS requirement.
On really nice days, keep bringing up unsolvable issues and problems until they get stressed and go play golf.
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31
Dec
There is this kid who is being very bad and he asks his father Ill be good for $100 and his dad says Son, when I was your age, I was good for nothing.
31
Dec
So have you heard about the new movie 64 dalmations?
It was going to be 102 but Al Gore wanted a recount!
31
Dec
At first I was afraid
Now I’m petrified
That I just can’t keep my GPA
of two point five.
I spent all those stupid nights…
I was just chilling way too long
And that was wrong
But now I know I must be strong
And now they’re back
They’re in my face
I’ve got 3 finals and 2 papers
to be done in just five days!
I should never have gone out
And I should never have partied
‘Cause now all this work I have
It’s all piling up on me!
And I must go
to the library oh
To do research on those papers
And study harder than before
It’s hell, I’ll tell you that
and you know it’s not a lie
But I can’t crumble
I can’t lay down and die
Oh no not I!
I will survive!
If I keep a 2 point O
At least I’ll be alive!
I’ve got five more days to live
and I think my brain will give
But I’ll survive!
I will survive!
31
Dec
Q. What do you call a stuttering black person?
A. Cacoon
31
Dec
Yo mama so fat after sex she smokes a turkey!
31
Dec
Q. Why couldnt the blonde pass her drivers test?
A. She couldnt sit in the seat straight.