Nina and Liz are having a conversation during there lunch break. Nina asks, So, Liz, hows your sex life these days? Liz replies, Oh, you know. Its the usual, Social Security kind. Social Security? Nina asked quizzically. Yeah, you get a little each month, but its not enough to live on.
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These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
24. Smile. All the time.
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These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
71. Give each of your walls a different name. Whenever you cant answer a problem, ask each of your walls. Write down their responses, then ask your ceiling for the final answer. Complain to your roommate that you dont trust your ceiling.
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These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
137. Whenever your roommate brushes his/her teeth, watch him/her do so. Take notes. Write a paper on it, and circulate it around campus. If your roommate protests, say, The people have a right to know!
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These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
69. Tell your roommate that someone called and said that it was really important but you cant remember who it was.
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These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
104. Feign a serious illness for two weeks. Have a priest come to your room and visit you. Write out a will, leaving everything to your roommate. One day, miraculously recover. Insist that your roommate write out a will, leaving everything to you. Every time he/she coughs, excitedly say, Oooh, are you dying?
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1. Quarters are like gold.
2. Be creative in the dining hall.
3. Flipflops become as important as soap, shampoo, etc.
4. You will never find so many excuses for a bucket.
5. Asleep by 2:30 am is an early night.
6. New additions to the food groups: Mountain Dew, Doritos, Ben & Jerrys, Ho-Hos and Oreos
7. Make sure your alarm clock has back-up batteries.
8. Duct tape heals all wounds. (If not, scotch or masking tape will suffice for awhile.)
9. Showers become less important.
10. Sleep becomes more important.
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These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
152. Wear a paper hat. Every time your roommate walks in, say, Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your…Oh, its just you. Take off the hat, sit, and pout.
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A retiring Phys Chem professor was setting his last exam, for a graduate course in statistical thermodynamics. Being a bit bored with it all, and with a well-kept and wry sense of humor, he set a single question on the sheet: Is Hell endothermic or exothermic? Support your answer with proof.
He had little idea what to expect, or how to grade the results, but decided to reward any student who was able to come up with a reasonable and consistent reply to his query. One A was awarded. Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyles Law or some variant. The top student however wrote the following:
First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyles Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. There are two possible conditions:
Condition One: if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase exponentially until all hell breaks loose.
Conversely, Condition Two: if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.
We can solve this with the 1990 postulation of Theresa LeClair, the girl who lived across the hall from me during my first year residence. Since I have still not been successful in obtaining sexual relations with her, condition two above has not been met, and thus it can be concluded that condition one is true, and hell is exothermic.
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These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
19. Ask your roommate if your family can move in just for a couple of weeks.