Old and New Jokes

If idiots could fly, this world would be an airport.

The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.

You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, Whats this?, you realize you just dropped the companys deposit in a mailbox.

A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This ones your turn. Your boss was standing behind you. Its his wife.

While your boss is at lunch, you sneek in and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out.

You return from a weeks vacation to find that you had scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week.

You take a sick day. The next morning the boss asks you, So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?.

You wake up hung over. You have a black eye and barked knuckles. Your underwear is missing. Youre in jail. Last night was the company Christmas party.

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Whats a lightbulb?

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!

Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize hed lost his cigarettes.

In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.

No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes, he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. Here, she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. I found them in the hallway.

Now, she said, if only I could find my parakeet.

A dumb blonde is walking along, lost, and encounters a deep and wide river. She looks up and down the river for a way across but is unsuccessful in finding one. Yet, when looking to the other side again, she happened to see another blonde on the opposite river bank. She tried calling to her.

How can I get to the other side of the river? she shouts loudly.

The other blonde replied What for? You are already on the other side of the river!

A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.

The brunette suggested, There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but its not going to be legal.

That doesnt matter at all, replied the blonde. All that matters it that I am able to sell this car.

Alright, replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldnt be a problem to sell your car.

The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunettes advice.

About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, Did you sell your car?

No! replied the blonde. Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it.