Old and New Jokes

Manolo decide un día alquilar su primera película XXX. Fue al videoclub y, con toda calma, escogió la película cuyo título más le llamó la atención. De regreso en su casa, preparó su sillón, su bebida, y por supuesto… su condón. Puso la película, pero solo se veía estática en la pantalla del televisor. Indignado, llamó por teléfono al videoclub y dijo al empleado:

¡Coño! La película salió defectuosa. No se ve ninguna imagen.

Es posible señor, le contesta el empleado, hemos tenido muchos problemas con algunas películas. ¿Que título rentó?

Limpiador de cabezas I.

Jaimito estaba en el salón de clase con sus compañeros. Como la profesora no llegaba, todos los alumnos comenzaron a hacer alboroto. Cuando llegó la profesora vio el desorden que había y comenzó a interrogar a los niños.

Juanita, ¿Qué haz hecho tú?

Yo dibujé en la pizarra.

Pedrito, y tú, ¿Qué hiciste?

Yo tiré mi pupitre contra el suelo.

Jaimito, y tú, ¿Qué hiciste?

Yo tiré serpentina por la ventana.

Caramba, aprendan de Jaimito que no es un malcriado como ustedes.

Pero al pasar unos minutos, tocan la puerta de la clase y entra una niña toda golpeada. La profesora le pregunta:

¿Quién eres?

Yo me llamo Serpentina.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Norway!
Norway who?
Norway will I leave till you open this door!

You cant push a rope.

Helen Waite is our credit manager.

If you want credit, go to Helen Waite.

Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com

Little boy, I dont care if your dog can talk. Please
tell him this is a Tardis, not a Way-Back Machine.

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

12 to investigate Clintons involvement in the failure of the old bulb, 23 to deregulate the lightbulb industry, 16 to cut funding for alternative lighting research and development, 34 to cut the tax rate on lightbulbs, 53 to design a block grant so the states can change the bulb, and 41 to talk with defense contractors about using night-vision gear instead.

YOU KNOW YOUVE BEEN ON THE COMPUTER FOR TOO LONG…

When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

When you are counting objects, you go 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D….

When you dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors.

When your wife says If you dont turn off that damn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!, and you chastise her for omitting the else clause.

You try to sleep, and think sleep (8 * 3600); /* sleep for 8 hours /

When you are reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page.

When after fooling around all day with routers etc., you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number and hummmmm to imitate a modem… and you succeed…

When you get in the elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want.

When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.

When you look for a icon to double-click to open your bedroom window.

When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that youre doing the math in octal.

When you look for a trash can icon for throwing garbage.

Why did the skeleton Burp????Cause it didnt have the Guts to fart!!!!

Paddy and Bridget had just got married. It was their wedding night in the bridal suite. Bridget was lying on her back on the bed in an incredible shimmering silky neglige whimpering Take me Paddy, take me now.

Paddy (having been a good catholic boy) was a virgin and didnt have the faintest idea what to do next.

Suddenly he had a brilliant idea. He dashed out of the room and went to reception to ring his mum for advice.

Her advice was to put the hardest part of his body into where Bridget wees. Paddy was a bit dubious about this but his mother assured him that Bridget would love it.

Paddy came back in to the bedroom triumphantly, asked Bridget if she was ready.

Bridget shouted, Yes, Yes, Im ready and then watched in amazement as Paddy ran into the bathroom and put his head down the toilet.