Old and New Jokes

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Hank!
Hank who?
Hank you!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Vanessa!
Vanessa who?
Vanessa going to grow up?

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and ordered their drinks from the bartender.

Brunette: Ill have a B and C.

Bartender:What is a B and C?.

Brunette: Bourbon and Coke.

Redhead: And, Ill have a G and T.

Bartender: Whats a G and T?

Redhead: Gin and tonic.

Blonde: Ill have a 15.

Bartender: Whats a 15?

Blonde: 7 and 7

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

The barman refuses to serve him. Why not, asks the golf club.

Youll be driving later, replies the bartender.

Movies where people dont step on your feet.

you are so sweet, but i prefer salty

Sister Mary Catherine and Sister Mary Elizabeth are walking through the park together when they are jumped by two thugs. Their habits are ripped from them and the two men start to sexually assault them.Sister Mary Catherine casts her eyes heavenward and cries, Forgive him Lord, he knows not what he is doing!Mary Elizabeth turns and says, Mine does…

A man was travelling from Cape Town to Johannesburg when he stopped for a young hitchhiker somewhere in the middle of the Karoo. It happened that the youngster had a cleft palate and thus spoke somewhat nasally. The motorist naturally felt very sorry for the young man.

After driving for an hour or so with very little conversation between them, the man pulled off for a roadside lunch. He opened his picnic basket and offered the youngster some of his sandwiches.

Thank you, Thir, but becauth of my problem I cannot eat anything that may cauth crumbth to enter my palate, he replied. The man felt he couldnt eat either under the circumstances and opened his thermoflask of coffee.

Would you like some coffee, son? he asked. Thank you, yeth Thir, but becauth of my problem you will have to help me. I cannot drink anything that will end up in my palate, tho have to take it anally by means of thith thpecial funnel.

The obliging motorist, feeling very sorry for the poor chappie, agreed. The youngster pulled down his pants, bent over and inserted the funnel. The man slowly poured some coffee down the funnel. The youngster however jumped up, saying Ouch!!.

Sorry Son, was it too hot?

No Thir, no sugar!

Yo momma so ugly that people made a movie when she was in the shower called Gorillas In The Mist!

Three factory workers were needling a shy co-worker who just returned from his honeymoon.

They each bragged about how many times theyd had sex on their honeymoon.

One said five times, another said seven and a real mach jock claimed hed done it ten times. Punching the shy guy in the chest, he demanded to know how many times he did it.

Blushing and hesitant he answered, We only did it once. My wife wasnt used to it.