Old and New Jokes

Van en el coche papá cruel, mamá cruel y los dos hijos crueles…

De pronto los niños gritan: Más rápido papá, más rápido… y el papá cruel acelera… 120 km por hora…

Los niños siguen… Más rápido pápá, más rápido… y llegan a 140.

De pronto a la mamá le da calor y saca la cabeza por la ventanilla, justo cuando pasaban muy cerca de un árbol y ¡ZAZ! la mamá cruel es decapitada. Tanto el papá como los hijos comienzan a llorar…

Después de unos minutos el papá les pregunta a sus hijos:¿Y ustedes por que lloran?

A lo que los hijos contestan, ¡Por que no vimos!

Era un niño tan feo, pero tan feo, que cuando nació la mamá le preguntó al médico:

Doctor, ¿qué fue? ¡Dígame que fue!

No sé señora, ¡pero si se mueve lo mato!

Un día en clases, Pepito le pregunta a la maestra:

Señorita, ¿las pijamas se chupan?

La maestra, sorprendida, le responde al menor:

No, Pepito, ¿por qué preguntas eso?

Es que anoche escuché que mi mamá le decía a mi papá: ¡Quítate la pijama, amor, que te la voy a chupar.

A man had a habit of buying things immediately after reading the ads about the products in the paper. Naturally, his wife was not too happy about it. One day the man read an ad about a sale on steel-belted radial tires. He jumped up, exclaiming that he would quickly buy four tires while the sale was on.

The wife complained, ?I dont know whats wrong with you. You are going to buy four expensive tires when youve got a crappy old car??

The man replied, ?Dont make such a big deal about it! I dont complain when you buy new bras, do I??

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the
street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they
decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it
home and parked it in the street between their establishments.

A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling
water on their new car. It didnt need a wash, so he ran out and asked
the priest what he was doing. Im blessing it the priest replied.

The rabbi replied Oh, then he ran back into the synagogue. He
reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to the car and cut
off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.

Q: What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

A: Lipstick

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc.
Then he came to the column Salary Expected : He was not sure as to what to be filled there.After much thought he wrote : Yes

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, What is Politics?Dad says, Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her The Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you The People. The nanny, we will consider her The Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him The Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nannys room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.The next morning, the little boy says to his father, Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.The father says, Great son! Tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.The little boy replies, The President is screwing The Working Class while The Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and The Future is in deep sh*t