A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner. As he looks around, he notices a diner being served a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle. When the waiter asks him for his order, the man asks him about the meatball dish. The waiter explains that the meatballs are bulls testicles, and when the bull loses the bullfight, the bull is brought to the restaurant, and this beautiful dish is made.
The diner tells the waiter that he wants the bulls testicles for dinner, but the waiter tells him that only one bull a day is brought to the restaurant, but he can have it tommorrow. The diner agrees. The next day the diner goes to the restaurant, and orders the testicle dish. When his food is brought out, he notices that the meatballs are extremely small. He mentions this to the waiter, and the waiter replies, Well sir you have to understand, sometimes the bull wins.
- The company stock suddenly is worth something, then trading is halted before you can cash in.
- Your management has just emphatically denied that any merger is currently being contemplated.
- Your paycheck comes with the competitors logo.
- The guy you used to yell at during trade shows is introduced as your new boss.
- The address on your new business cards does not correspond to the location of the office you go to every day.
- I work for the government, so merging with a competitor would probably mean storm troopers marching through the streets.
- The customer service folks are told to stop telling customers that company X will cheat them on service contracts. Now theyre our service.
- The owners daughter sends you an invitation to her wedding with the competitors son.
- The product which your salespeople described not a long time ago as being a dangerous health hazard is now one of the leading products in your sales literature.
- I got a very big raise. This makes me very paranoid. Two weeks ago, we had no money and way too much work to do. Last week, I am offered huge raise effective next month. I smell a data merge coming on.
- Our URL links to their web site.
- 401k rollover papers on your desk Monday morning.
- When someone quits to go work for a competitor, the company doesnt immediately escort him out of the building.
- The resume I sent to our top competitor showed up at my present employer.
- You hear about it on the morning news!
Dilbert © 1999 United Feature Syndicate, Inc.
Headline in todays newspaper:
Suicidal Twin kills sister by mistake!
Why do black men not go square dancing?
Every time some one yells hoe down, they turn to see if their sister got shot!
Official Announcement: The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the governments political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while youre actually being screwed. Damn, it just doesnt get more accurate than that.
Why does a woman close her eyes when shes having sex?
Because no woman ever wants to see a man enjoying himself!
Men always miss them.
On a bus in Tel Aviv, a mother was talking animatedly, in Yiddish, to her little boy – who kept answering her in Hebrew. And each time the mother said, No, no, talk Yiddish! An inpatient Israeli, overhearing this, exclaimed, Lady, why do you insist the boy talk Yiddish instead of Hebrew? Replied the mother, I dont want him to forget hes a Jew.
1. IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out. 2. IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs 3. IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken. 4. IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board. 5. ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance.) 6. OUTSIDE A SECOND-HAND SHOP: We exchange anything – bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain? 7. QUICKSAND WARNING: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council. 8. NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANERS WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of. 9. IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness. 10. SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car. 11. SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and doesnt know it, there is a day care on the first floor. 12. NOTICE IN A FIELD: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges. 13. MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons. 14. ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door – the bell doesnt work.) 15. SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
Take the test…NO CHEATING!
What does: A woman do sitting down? A man do standing up? A dog do on three legs? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Got your guess ready yet? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? GET YOUR MIND OUR OF THE GUTTER! ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? They shake hands!