Whats the recipe for Clinton stew?
Put a tiny weenie into real hot water.
02
Jun
02
Jun
Estaban dos compadres y le dice uno al otro:
Oigame, compadre, tengo ganas de coger.
Yo también, compadre.
Ayúdeme compadre. Usted le hace primero de mujer y luego yo le duvuelvo el favor.
Va pues, compadre.
Ya habiéndose puesto de acuerdo, se encontraban en eso cuando le dice el compadre que la estaba haciedo de mujer:
Oiga, compadre, regáleme un besito.
¡Nombre, compadre, esas ya son culeradas!
02
Jun
Q: Why dont blind people skydive?
A: It scares the heck out of the dog.
02
Jun
Because thats how many minutes it will take to boot up!
Because thats how many diskettes will come with the installation package.
Thats how many MEG of RAM you will need.
Thats how much space it will take up on your hard disk.
Because thats the year they will ANNOUNCE the product. (delivering it is another issue!)
Thats how many pounds the manual will weigh.
Thats the number of bugs that will be discovered in the productin its first year.
Thats how many minutes you should expect to stay on hold when calling for support.
Thats how many million brain cells the average IS person will loose installing it on their network.
Thats the number of windows applications that will not work correctly without requiring an upgrade.
02
Jun
…and realizes its actually a chocolate bar and eats it all.
02
Jun
There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel and offered the hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner. After a while he started advancing on her when she stopped him and reminded him he was a holy man.
Its O.K., He replied, its written in the Bible.
So after a wild night of sex the hat check girl asked to see where in the Bible it says its okay.
The priest picks up the Bible off the dresser opens to the first page where someone wrote in pencil: The hat check girl puts out!
02
Jun
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A dime bag of Panama Red
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Two hits of acid
And a dime bag of Panama Red
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Three snorts of coke
Two hits of acid
And a dime bag of Panama Red
On the forth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Four pink pills
Three snorts of coke
Two hits of acid
And a dime bag of Panama Red
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Five pounds of hashish
Four pink pills
Three snorts of coke
Two hits of acid
And a dime bag of Panama Red
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Six joints a smoking
Five pounds of hashish
Four pink pills
Three snorts of coke
Two hits of acid
And a dime bag of Panama Red
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Seven cubes of crack
Six joints a smoking
Five pounds of hashish
Four pink pills
Three snorts of coke
Two hits of acid
And a dime bag of Panama Red
On the eight day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eight healthy roaches
Seven cubes of crack
Six joints a smoking
Five pounds of hashish
Four pink pills
Three snorts of coke
Two hits of acid
And a dime bag of Panama Red
On the ninth day, everybody ODd and they were all rushed to St. John General Hospital where they were given nine wiffs of nitro, and nine bottles of Valium. Then everybody ODs on Valium and they all die horribly…
02
Jun
Q: Whats the difference between a girl and a toilet?
A: A toilet doesnt want to cuddle after you drop a load into it.
02
Jun
3 guys go into a bar. The booze begins to flow pretty heavily in the course of the evening and the guys get split up. Next morning theyre all at work discussing what went on after they lost one other…
The first guy says, Man I was so trashed last night I went home and blew chunks!
The second goes, Shit thats nothing I was so tanked that I drove my damn car into a tree. Totaled it. I have no idea what the cops are going to do!
The third guy says, Thats nothing I was so drunk that I went home and starting cussing my girlfriend out and in the process knocked over a candle and it caught the whole damn apartment on fire – the insurance wont cover it, plus my girlfriend left me.
The first guy leans back in and whispers, I dont think you guys understand, Chunks is my dog.
02
Jun
It was a sweltering August day when the Cohen brothers entered the posh
Dearborn, Michigan, offices of Henry Ford, the car maker, Mr. Ford,
announced Norman Cohen, the eldest of the three.
We have a remarkable invention that will revolutionize the automobile industry.
Ford looked skeptical, but their threat to offer it to the competition kept
his interest piqued. We would like to demonstrate it to you in person.
After a little cajoling, they brought Mr. Ford outside and asked him to
enter a black automobile parked in front of the building.
Hyman Cohen, the middle brother, opened the door of the car. Please step inside, Mr. Ford. What! shouted the tycoon, Are you crazy?
It must be two hundred degrees in that car! It is, smiled the youngest
brother, Max, but sit down Mr. Ford, and push the white button.
Intrigued, Ford pushed the button. All of a sudden a whoosh of freezing air
started blowing from vents all around the car, and within seconds the
automobile was not only comfortable, it was quite cool.
This is amazing! exclaimed Ford. How much do you want for the patent?
Norman spoke up, The price is one million dollars.
Then he paused. And there is something else. The name Cohen Brothers Air- conditioning must be stamped right next to the Ford logo!
Money is no problem, retorted Ford, but no way will I have a Jewish name
next to my logo on my cars!
They haggled back and forth for a while and finally they settled. Five
million dollars, but the Cohens last name would be left off.
However, the first names of the Cohen brothers would be forever emblazoned
upon the console of every Ford air conditioning system.
And that is why, even today, whenever you enter a Ford vehicle, you will see
those three names clearly printed on the air conditioning control panel:
NORM HI and MAX