Four guys went golfing; one went in the clubhouse to pay while the others waited at the first tee. One of the guys says, “Im so proud of my son. He is a stock broker and hes made enought that he just gave away a huge portfolio.” The next guy said, “Im so proud of my son. Hes a car dealer and hes doing so well, he just gave away a Ferrari.” The third guy says, “Im so proud of my son. Hes got enough money that he just gave away a million-dollar home.”
Just as the third guy fininshes talking, the fourth guy joins them and asks, “What are you guys talking about?
“Just about how good our sons are doing,” the three men replied. “Well, my son is doing very well,” says the fourth man, “Hes a male stripper and just last week he got a huge portfolio, a Ferrari and a million-dollar home.”
One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help. It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him. He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward. The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money. The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari. The third boy wanted a wheelchair, Bush said, “Why do you want one of those, son, youre not handicapped.” The boy replied, “I will be when my dad finds out whose life I saved.”
Ladka bola:
kash in hasinao ke baap mar jate,
kash in hasinao ke baap mar jate,
bahana gham ka hota, hum inke ghar to aate.
Ladki boli: Bewkoof, Yeh bolana bhi paap hoga,
Bewkoof, Yeh bolana bhi paap hoga,
Kisi din tu bhi kisi hasina ka baap hoga
Its not true that married men live longer than single men. It only
seems longer.
A man and a woman were involved in a terrible car accident and both cars were totaled. They climbed from the wreckage and the woman stood in awe. Our cars are demolished, yet we walk unharmed. This must be a sign from God that we are to be best friends for the rest of our lives, she spoke wisely. I agree completely, maam, the man replied. The woman stepped closer to examine the damage and noticed something shiny within her car. Reaching in, she pulled out an unbroken bottle. This bottle of wine wasnt even cracked. I think this is another sign that we are to drink a toast to our new friendship. Thats a great idea, miss, the man answered taking the bottle from her. He popped the cork and drank his share. Im sorry. How rude of me. Would you like some? No, thanks, came the reply. Ill just wait on the cops to get here.
Q: How many physical chemists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but hell change it three times, plot a straight line through the data, and then extrapolate to zero concentration.
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
Isaac Asimov said that if you want to find a chemist, ask him/her to discuss the following words: 1) mole 2) unionized. As he so eloquently put it, If he starts talking about furry animals and organized labor, keep walking.
Make it myself? But Im a physical organic chemist!
Definition: (Fe)male: Male with iron added, for greater strength, ductility, and magnetisim.
Acid is base.
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: Theyre cheaper than day rates.
Scale keeps forming inside the kettle, complained Tom, recalcitrantly.
Did you hear about the 80-pound guy with the 40-pound testicles? People say he was half-nuts!
El que rÃe al último, piensa más lento.
Todo el mundo tiene memoria fotográfica. Algunos no tienen rollo.
Un dÃa sin luz solar es como… bueno, la noche.
El cambio es inevitable, siempre que no estemos hablando de una máquina de refrescos.
Me perdà en mis pensamientos. Era territorio desconocido para mÃ.
Lo he visto todo, lo he hecho todo, no puedo recordar casi nada.
Aquellos que viven por la espada son disparados por los que no.
Me siento diagonalmente parqueado en un universo paralelo.
Él no está muerto: está electroencefalográficamente retrasado.
Me pregunto qué tan profundo serÃa el océano sin esponjas.
Toca la bocina si amas la paz y tranquilidad.
A pesar del costo de la vida, ¿has notado como permanece tan popular?
Nada es a prueba de tontos para un tonto suficientemente talentoso.
Es difÃcil entender como un cementerio sube los precios por enterrar y culpa al costo de la vida.
La regla 50-50-90: Todo el mundo que tiene un 50 por ciento de probabilidades de conseguir algo tiene un 90 por ciento de no conseguirlo.
Se dice que si alineas todos los carros en el mundo, uno detrás de otro, siempre aparecerá alguien suficientemente estúpido para tratar de rebasar.
No puedes tenerlo todo. ¿Dónde lo pondrÃas?
La última encuesta muestra que 3 de cada 4 personas compone el 75% de la población mundial.
Las cosas que llegan a aquellos que esperan deben ser las que dejaron aquellos que llegaron primero.
Una multa es un impuesto por hacer lo incorrecto. Un impuesto es una multa por hacer lo correcto.
Se descubrió recientemente que los investigadores causan cáncer en las ratas.
Todo el mundo miente, pero no importa, ya que nadie escucha.
Yo comencé con nada y todavÃa me queda la mayorÃa.
La luz viaja más rápido que el sonido. Por esta razón algunas personas aparentan ser brillantes hasta que las oyes hablar.
Llega una chava a un Bar y se encuentra a un tipo bastante atractivo en la barra, se le acerca y le pregunta que está tomando. Cerveza Magica, le contesta.
Ella cree que el está loco y se va a dar una vuelta en el Bar, pero despues de ver que no hay nada mejor, decide regresar a platicar con él.
¿Esa no es realmente Cerveza Magica o si?
Si, te enseñaré.
Entonces le da un trago a la cerveza, brinca por la ventana y volando le da tres vueltas al edificio y regresa por la ventana.
La chava no puede creerlo y le dice: Apuesto que no lo puedes repetir.
Entonces él da otro trago, de nuevo salta por la ventana y da tres vueltas alrededor del edificio y vuelve a regresar. Ella esta tan sorprendida que le dice que quiere probar esa Cerveza Magica, y el joven le pide al cantinero:
Dale un trago de lo que estoy tomando.
Entonces ella da un trago a su cerveza, salta por la ventana y se desploma los 30 pisos del edificio… Entonces el cantinero voltea hacia el tipo y le dice:
¡No mames, pinche Superman… Eres bien gacho cuando tomas!
Michael Irvin was complaining to Calvin Williams about his first trip to the Super Bowl and how hard it was to get any sleep the night before the big game. I was awakened at one, two and four in the morning by a drunk cheerleader banging on the door and screaming, he recalled.
Thats terrible, said Williams. Howd you ever get any sleep?
At five oclock I finally unlocked the door and let her out, replied Irvin.