CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE
One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too.
Andrew, age 6
No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell … Thats why perfume and deodorant are so popular.
Mae, age 9
I think youre supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isnt supposed to be so painful.
Manuel, age 8
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE
Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.
John, age 9
If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I dont want to do it. It takes too long.
Glenn, age 7
ON THE ROLE OF BEAUTY AND HANDSOMENESS IN LOVE
If you want to be loved by somebody who isnt already in your family, it doesnt hurt to be beautiful.
Anita C., age 8
It isnt always just how you look. Look at me. Im handsome like anything and I havent got anybody to marry me yet.
Brian, age 7
Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.
Christine, age 9
REFLECTIONS ON THE NATURE OF LOVE
Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too.
Greg, age 8
HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?
Mooshy … like puppy dogs … except puppy dogs dont wag their tails nearly as much.
Arnold, age 10
All of a sudden, the people get movie fever so they can sit together in the dark.
Sherm, age 8
CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS
They want to make sure their rings dont fall off because they paid good money for them.
Gavin, age 8
They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing.
John, age 9
CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE
Im in favor of love as long as it doesnt happen when Dinosaurs is on television.
Jill, age 6
Love is foolish … but I still might try it sometime.
Floyd, age 9
Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.
Dave, age 8
Im not rushing into being in love. Im finding fourth grade hard enough.
Regina, age 10
THE PERSONAL QUALITIES YOU NEED TO HAVE IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD LOVER
Sensitivity dont hurt.
Robbie, age 8
One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.
Ava, age 8
SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.
Del, age 6
Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs … and dont worry if their parents are right there.
Manuel, age 8
Dont do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention aint the same thing as love.
Alonzo, age 9
One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure its something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.
Bart, age 9
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?
Just see if the man picks up the check. Thats how you can tell if hes in love.
Bobby, age 9
Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold … Other people care more about the food.
Bart, age 9
Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up.
Sarah, age 9
See if the man has lipstick on his face.
Sandra, age 7
Its love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because its just like how their hearts are… on fire.
Christine, age 9
TITLES OF THE LOVE BALLADS YOU CAN SING TO YOUR BELOVED
How Do I Love Thee When Youre Always Picking Your Nose?
Arnold, age 10
You Are My Darling Even Though You Also Know My Sister.
Larry, age 8
I Love Hamburgers, I Like You!
Eddie, age 6
I Am in Love with You Most of the Time, but Dont Bother Me When Im with My Friends.
Bob, age 9
Hey, Baby, I Dont like Girls but Im Willing to Forget You Are One!
Will, age 7
WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY I LOVE YOU
The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.
Michelle, age 9
Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it and now they can go eat.
Dick, age 7
HOW WAS KISSING INVENTED?
I know one reason that kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didnt always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses.
Gina, age 8
HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS
You can have a big rehearsal with your Barbie and Ken dolls.
Julia, age 7
You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you.
Brian, age 7
It might help to watch soap operas all day.
Carin, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When theyre rich.
Pam, age 7
Its never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you … Thats why I stopped doing it.
Tammy, age 10
If its your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if its a new person, you have to ask permission.
Roger, age 6
HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE
Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.
Dick, age 7
Dont forget your wifes name … That will mess up the love.
Erin, age 8
Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash.
Dave, age 8
Dont say you love somebody and then change your mind … Love isnt like picking what movie you want to watch.
Natalie, age 8
Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman.
Oh yeah, said Eddie. And how did this one end?
When it was over, Harvey replied. She came crawling to me on her hands and knees.
Really? Now thats a switch! What did she say?
She said, Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel!
How many US Vice-Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but it has to be a pretty dim bulb.
2 brunettes and a blonde were sitting in bar when the blonde turned around and said hey man your really dumb D-u-m hey blonde said the bruntte theres a b then the blonde said where
One night a Blond Nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish.
Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways.
There must be something you would have of me, said God.
Well, there is one thing, she said.
Just name it, said God.
Its those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop.
Consider it done, said God. Blond jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans.
But surely there is something that I could do just for you.
There is one thing. But its really small, and not worth your time, said the nun.
Name it. Please, said God.
Its the M&Ms, said the nun. Theyre so hard to peel!
A
few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man
accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried
for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot
about it.
Once he was in the doctors office, the man followed
instructions, undressed, and bent over. The first
thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the mans
arse was that eye staring right back at him. "You
know, " said the doctor, "you really have
to learn to trust me."
Tech Support: How much free space do you have on your hard drive?
Customer: Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?
While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if theyre intelligent.
I do so by asking them the right questions, says the Queen.Allow me to demonstrate.
She phones Tony Blair and says, Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?
Tony Blair responds ,It¹s me, maam.
Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir, says the Queen. She hangs up and says, Did you get that, Mr. Bush?
Yes maam. Thanks a lot. I¹ll definitely be using that!
Upon returning to Washington, he decides he¹d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me.
Why, of course, sir. What¹s on your mind?
Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?
Helms hems and haws and finally asks, Can I think about it and get back to you?
Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.
Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?
Powell answers immediately, Its me, of course, you dumb cracker.
Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! Its Colin Powell!
And Bush replies in disgust, Wrong, you dumb shit, its Tony Blair!
Overheard on unidentified radio station. Humorous sketch involving reporter
and senator (country unspecified):
Reporter: But Senator, what have you to say to the problem of young
Miguel, only 12 years old, who has to hustle on the sidewalk
to sell his 15-year-old sister?
Senator: How much is the sister?
Is that Windex in your pants? Because I can sure see myself in them.