Old and New Jokes

Un policia detiene a un joven por correr demasiado y le indica que por estar de buen humor, le dirá 3 adivinanzas y si las acierta no le pone la multa.

Si viene una luz por la carretera ¿qué es? Una moto. No, porque puede ser Harley, Honda, Yamaha.

Si vienen dos luces por la carretera ¿qué es? Un coche. Falló, porque puede ser Bmw, Mercedes, Volvo.

En esto el conductor le dice, Bueno, la tercera la pongo yo. Dígame, si ve una mujer alta rubia, con un bolso, muy provocativa, en una esquina y se acerca a la ventanilla de

un coche ¿qué es?

¡Hombre, una protituta!

¡Pues no, porque puede ser tu madre, tu mujer o tu hija!

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a mans genitals through his wallet.

–Robin Williams

Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1-3, alpha = .05

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

165. Make pancakes every morning, but dont eat them. Draw faces on them, and toss them in the closet. Watch them for several hours each day. Complain to your roommate that your pancake farm isnt evolving into a self-sufficient community. Confide in your roommate that you think the king of the pancakes has been taking bribes.

Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.

A massive cold front swept across the nation this week, but its not
expected to affect the election. Says Hamilton, The Weather Channel said
the five-day forecast for Bob Dole is three days.

As you read the scroll, it vanishes…

This man is at work one day when he notices that his male co- worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in fashion sense.
Yo, Bob, I didnt know you were into earrings.
Oh, yeah, sure, says Bob sheepishly.
Really? How long have you been wearing one?
Ever since my wife found it in our bed.

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.The genie said, OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and Im getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about getting three. You only get one wish!The man sat and thought about it for a while. Finally, he said, Ive always wanted to go to Hawaii but Im scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?The genie laughed loudly and said, Thats impossible. Think of the monumental logistics! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of all the concrete! Think of all the steel! No, think of another wish.The man said OK, sat back down and tried to think of a really good wish.Finally, he said, Ive been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I dont care and that Im insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside. I want to know what theyre thinking when they give me the silent treatment. I want to know why theyre crying and know what they really want when they say nothing. Most of all, I want to know how to make them truly happy.The genie said, You want that bridge two lanes or four?