…and ordered a triple scotch. As the bartender poured
the drink he remarked, Thats quite a heavy drink.
Whats wrong? After quickly downing his drink, the
man replies I got home and found my wife in bed with
my best friend. Wow exclaimed the bartender, as he
poured the man a second triple. No wonder you need
a stiff drink. The second triple is on the house.
As the man downed his second drink, the bartender asks
him What did you do? I walked over to my wife the
man replies, looked her straight in the eye and told
her that we were through and to pack her stuff and get
the hell out. That makes sense. said the bartender,
but what about your best friend? The man replied,
I walked over to him, looked him right in the eye and
said BAD DOG!
15
Mar
15
Mar
An American was waiting on a London street corner. An attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of wind blew her dress above her waist.
A bit airy… remarked the American.
To which the Cockney girl said, ell yes! What did you expect – feathers?!
15
Mar
14
Mar
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Marcus!
Marcus who?
Marcus a book in the Bible!
14
Mar
Tumor: More than one
Urine: Opposite of youre out
Varicose: Nearby
Vein: Conceited
14
Mar
OOPS! I BLEW THAT ONE!
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb. Well put, the judge replied. Using your logic, I sentence the defendants arm to one years imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses. The defendant smiled. With his lawyers assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
14
Mar
Q: How many Dylan fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The answer, my friend, is blowin in the wind. The answer is blowin in the wind.
14
Mar
Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The keyboardist does it with his left hand.
14
Mar
Irrumpe un grupo de drogadictos armados a un convento con la sola idea de violar a las religiosas. Ante el espanto de éstas, uno de los agresores amenaza:
¡Vamos a violar a cada una de ustedes, monjas putas!
Del fondo de la sala replica una: ¡Pero por favor, les suplico, no a nuestra madre superiora!
¡Dijo a todas, a todas!, recalca la madre superiora.
14
Mar
Una pareja de casados está en su noche de bodas. Ella se va a bañar y a cambiarse pensando en una romántica luna de miel. Al salir del baño con una hermosa bata, él le dice:
Amor mÃo, ¿por qué tanta ropa? Ya estamos casados; abre la bata y déjame ver tu belleza.
La mujer se abre la bata. El hombre lanza un suspiro y exclama:
¡Mi amor, qué belleza la tuya! Déjame tomarte una foto.
¿Para qué, mi vida?
Para llevar siempre tu foto cerca de mi corazón y poder contemplar tu belleza diariamente.
Cuando él sale de bañarse, ella le devuelve:
Mi amor, ¿por qué esa bata? Ya estamos casados; quÃtatela para contemplarte.
El hombre se abre la bata y ella le dice:
Déjame sacarte una foto.
¿Para qué, mi vida?, le pregunta meloso el tipo.
Para hacer una ampliación porque… ¡No jodas!