Q: How many engineering students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but the rest of the class copies the report.
12
Mar
12
Mar
A group of Aussie gangsters are sitting around deliberating over methods they will employ in robbing a bank.
After a lot of thought, they all agree on the way to go about it.
In the wee hours of the following morning they meet and embark on their plans to get rich.
Once inside the bank, efforts at disabling the internal security system get under way immediately.
The robbers, expecting to find one or two huge safes filled with cash and valuables, are more than surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered strategically throughout the bank.
The first safes combination is cracked and inside the robbers find only a bowl of vanilla pudding.
Well, says one robber to another, at least we get a bit to eat.
They open up the second safe and it also contains nothing but vanilla pudding and the process continues until all the safes are opened and there is not one dollar, a diamond, or an ounce of gold to be found.
Instead, all the safes contain containers of pudding.
Disappointed, each of the mobsters makes a quiet exit, leaving with nothing more than queasy, uncomfortably full stomachs.
The following morning, a Sydney newspaper headline reads, Australias largest sperm bank robbed early this morning.
12
Mar
What does a 40 year old woman have between her breasts that an 18 year old doesnt?
Her navel!
12
Mar
¿Por qué la mujer vale más que el hombre?
Situación económica de la mujer:
1. Tiene dos glándulas mamarias que producen 2 l de leche (81 pesetas c/l, son 162 pesetas).
2. Dos jamones de pierna (360 pesetas c/u, son 720 pesetas).
3. Un pan bien grande (135 pesetas c/u, son 135 pesetas).
Total 1.017 pesetas.
Situación económica del hombre:
1. Un plátano (18 pesetas c/u, son 18 pesetas).
2. Dos huevos (13 pesetas c/u, son 26 pesetas).
3. Dos glándulas mamarias que no producen nada: 00.00.
Total 44 pesetas
Además, el hombre produce pérdidas: sus huevos no son comestibles y su pajarito ni siquiera canta.
12
Mar
A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time.
The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles.
All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you…
12
Mar
A blond decides that she needs to go shopping
As she buys 8 bottles of hair spray the man behind her asks Why buy that much hair spray
She said Your right it will go bad, but I hear it stays good for a week after it goes bad.
12
Mar
Your mama is so old she still ows Jesus 10 bucks
12
Mar
Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The Elf-abet!
12
Mar
The archbishop was sitting in his study, figuring a crossword puzzle.
His colleague asked, How are you doing?
Well, answered the archbishop, Ive almost finished it, but Im
stuck with just one word. Whats a four-letter word meaning a
female and ending in u-n-t?
Why, came the answer, the word is aunt.
Oh yes, thats right! replied the archbishop, Lend me your eraser.
12
Mar
A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was playing with extraordinary performance.
This is a very smart dog, the man commented.
Not so smart, said one of the players. Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.