Knock Knock
Whos there?
Asa!
Asa who!
Asa-int amongst men!
08
Jul
08
Jul
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Yolanda!
Yolanda who?
Yolanda me some money!
08
Jul
Especially hrony one night, Mark rolled over and nuzzled his wife.
How about it, honey…? he asked tenderly.
Oh, Mark, Ive got an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow, said his wife, going on to explain that the doctor had requested that she abstain from intercourse for twenty-four hours before an appointment.
Sam signed deeply and turned over to his side of the bed. A few minutes later he rolled back and asked hopefully, You dont have a dentist appointment too, do you?
08
Jul
Tim Shandy stepped into the Warm Spoon, a popular Galway tavern.
To Mike Callahan, the barkeep, Shandy said Mike, Ill be havin three
whiskeys.
Callahan set up three glasses and began to pour. Now, Timothy, its not
the usual thing for you to ask for three whiskeys. Its celebratin, you
are.
Ahh, ye know me too well, Micheal, ye do. Truth, and Im
celebrating me first blow job.
Callahan smiled benevolently and set a fourth glass on the bar. Now,
thats special, he said. For an old customer like yrself, heres a
fourth on the house, so I may be sharin your celebration with you.
Shandy shook his head, and replied Tis verra kind of ye, Micheal,
but Im thinkin if three wont get rid of the taste, four wont either.
08
Jul
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
Ruff!
08
Jul
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
08
Jul
Q: Whats the difference between an african lion and OJ Simpson?
A: An african lion is an african lion, OJ Simpson is a lyin african!
08
Jul
McDonnell Douglas
AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES
Important! Important!
Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In
order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to
fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey
questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop
new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. Name
Mr.
Mrs.
Ms.
Miss
Lt.
Gen.
Comrade
Classified
Other
First Name
Initial
Last Name
Latitude
Longitude
Altitude
Password, Code Name, Etc.
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
F-14 Tomcat
F-15 Eagle
F-16 Falcon
F-19A Stealth
Classified
3. Date of purchase
Month Day Year
4. Serial Number
5. Please check where this product was purchased:
Received as Gift/Aid Package
Catalog Showroom
Sleazy Arms Broker
Mail Order
Discount Store
Government Surplus
Classified
6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you
have just purchased:
Heard loud noise, looked up
Store Display
Espionage
Recommended by friend/relative/ally
Political lobbying by Manufacturer
Was attacked by one
7. Please check the three (3) factors which most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
Style/Appearance
Kickback/Bribe
Recommended by salesperson
Speed/Maneuverability
Comfort/Convenience
McDonnell Douglas Reputation
Advanced Weapons Systems
Price/Value
Back-Room Politics
Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
North America
Central/South America
Aircraft Carrier
Europe
Middle East
Africa
Asia/Far East
Misc. Third-World Countries
Classified
9. Please check the products that you currently own, or intend to
purchase in the near future:
ProductOwnIntend to purchase
Color TV
VCR
ICBM
Killer Satellite
CD Player
Air-to-Air Missiles
Space Shuttle
Home Computer
Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all
that apply:
Communist/Socialist
Terrorist
Crazed (Islamic)
Crazed (Other)
Neutral
Democratic
Dictatorship
Corrupt (Latin American)
Corrupt (Other)
Primitive/Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
Cash
Suitcases of Cocaine
Oil Revenues
Deficit Spending
Personal Check
Credit Card
Ransom Money
Travelers Check
12. What is your occupation?
Occupation You Your spouse
Homemaker
Sales/Marketing
Revolutionary
Clerical
Mercenary
Tyrant
Middle Management
Eccentric Billionaire
Defense Minister/General
Retired
Student
13. To help us understand our Customers lifestyles, please indicate
the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
participating on a regular basis:
Activity/Interest You Your Spouse
Golf
Boating/Sailing
Sabotage
Running/Jogging
Propaganda/Disinformation
Destabilizing/Overthrow
Default on Loans
Gardening
Crafts
Black Market/Smuggling
Collectibles/Collections
Watching Sports on TV
Wines
Interrogation/Torture
Household Pets
Crushing Rebellions
Espionage/Reconnaissance
Fashion Clothing
Border Disputes
Mutually Assured Destruction
Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
Douglas serve you better in the future — as well as allowing you to
receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments,
extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division
08
Jul
Q: What nationality are you if youre going to the bathroom?
A: European
Q: And what nationality are you if someones knocking on the door while youre going?
A: Youre a Russian.
08
Jul
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says Sorry, you know the law, youve got to go back across the border right now.
The Mexican man pleads with them, No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, Im going to make it hard for him and says Ok, Ill let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence.
The Mexican, of course, agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, The 3 words are Green, Pink and Yellow … Now use all them in 1 sentence.
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, Hmmm, Ok … The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?