Your kids LIKE the Arch Deluxe hamburger at McDonalds.
You think the tobacco companies have done nothing wrong.
You *have* a clawfoot bathtub.
17
Feb
17
Feb
The late Sir Thomas Beecham used to say the sound of the harpsichord is like two skeletons making love on a tin roof.
17
Feb
¡Doctor, doctor! ¿Por qué cada vez que me miro en el espejo se me empalma?
No me extraña nada, responde el facultativo.
Sorprendido, el paciente inquiere:
¡Oiga, no me asuste y dÃgamelo ya de una maldita vez!
No me extraña, con la cara de coño que tiene usted…
17
Feb
17
Feb
Un borracho que va por la calle le pregunta a un señor:
Perdón, la calle Miramar.
Y el amable señor le contesta:
Es la que viene.
Y el borracho dice:
¡Ah, pues entonces la espero!
17
Feb
The Differences:
HIM:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN number and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt
HER:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Check makeup in rearview mirror
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car because youre too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it
9. Enter PIN number
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.
11. Hit cancel
12. Re-enter correct PIN number
12A Hit cancel
12B Call husband to get correct PIN number
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
27. STOP
28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and receipt
31. Get back in car
32. Put card in wallet
33. Put receipt in checkbook
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook
36. Check makeup
37. Put car in gear, reverse
38. Put car in drive
39. Drive away from machine
40. Travel 3 miles
41. Release parking brake
17
Feb
There was a young lady from France
Who got on a bus in a trance
Everyone fucked her
Apart from the Conductor
But he came twice in his pants.
17
Feb
My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, And so made sure that she would stay, In better spirits night and day.
17
Feb
Bills Attempt to Seize Industry Control
17
Feb
Why does a Jewish American Princess wear a gold diaphragm?
So her boyfriend will think he is coming into money.