Old and New Jokes

A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what the consider a marvelous new game.

Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match.

Then, the paper reports: The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin colony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs.

– Audobon Magazine

Yo mama so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but hell break ten bulbs before figuring out that they cant just be pushed in.

Once upon a time there were two canaries in a cage. Naturally, one was male and the other female. After many months, the male decided to meet the female. So he scooted over to her side of the cage and said,

Since were in this together, why dont I move over to your side of the cage!

The female canary replied, No, thanks!!

So he went back to his side but found he could stay there no longer. Once again, he moved to her side of the cage. This time he asked,

I am sorry I was to forward the first time. Why dont we get to know each other first.

To which she replied again, No, thanks!

Resigning himself to return to his side of the cage, he languished about for a bit then made one final effort. He went halfway across the cage and stated,

Well, could we at least talk?

This time she replied, Oh, I am so sorry I have been so mean. You see I just learned I have a canarial disease called, Chirpies and I hear it is untweetable.

A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, Im Jesus Christ.



The first priest says, No, son, Im Jesus Christ.



So the drunk says it to the second priest.



The second priest replies, No, son, Im Jesus Christ.



The drunk says, Look, I can prove it. and walks back into the bar with the priests.



The bartender takes on look at the drunk and exclaims, Jesus Christ, youre here again?

Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference.

At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three

engineers buy only a single ticket.

How are three people going to travel on only one ticket? asked one of

the

three lawyers.

Watch and youll see, answers one of the engineers.

They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all

three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around

collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, Ticket, please

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.

The conductor takes it and moves on. The lawyers saw this and agreed it was

quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy

the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the

station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment,

the engineers dont buy a ticket at all.

How are you going to travel without a ticket, asks one perplexed lawyer.

Watch and youll see, says one of the engineers.When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the

three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over

to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding He knocks on the door and says,

Ticket, please.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Sid!
Sid who!
Sid down and have a cup of tea!

After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to do modelling. On one occasion, he enters a herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears on the front page of a newspaper.

GUESS THE CAPTION !!

Laloo, third from left

Q: Why does a blonde only change her babys diapers every month?

A: Because it says right on it good for up to 20 pounds.

Q: What did one flea say to the other flea? A: Shall we walk or take a dog?