A: She thought it was diet coke.
16
May
16
May
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?Nurse: No change yet.
16
May
A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender Ill have a rum …………………. and coke.
The bartender asks, Whats with the big pause?
The bear responds, I dunno… Ive just always had them.
16
May
The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were going to start using lawyers instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the American Bar Association was outraged and filed suit. Yet, the NIH presented some very good reasons for the
switch.1. The lab assistants were becoming very attached to their little rats. This emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted. No such attachment could form for a lawyer.2. Lawyers breed faster and are in much greater supply.3. Lawyers are much cheaper to care for and the humanitarian societies wont jump all over you no matter what youre studying.4. There are some things even a rat wont do.
16
May
Overheard at the bridge table:
Lay down and lets see what youve got.
Ive got strength but no length.
Take your hand off my trick!
You jumped me twice when you didnt have the strength for one raise.
Now its time for me to play with your husband and you can play with mine.
I have to protect my honour now.
Well, I guess well go home now. This is the last rubber.
15
May
Willing to take calculated risks: Doesnt mind spending someone elses money.
Zealous attitude: Opinionated.
15
May
Jerry is hired to play his trumpet on the score of a movie, and hes excited. Hes especially thrilled because he gets to play two long solos.
After the sessions, which go great, Jerry cant wait to see the finished product. He asks the producer where and when he can catch the film. A little embarrassed, the producer explains that the music is for a porno flick that will be out in a month, and he tells Jerry where he can go to see it.
A month later, Jerry, with his collar up and wearing glasses, goes to the theatre where the picture is playing. He walks in and sits way in the back, next to an elderly couple who also seem to be disguised and hiding.
The movie starts, and its the filthiest, most perverse porno flick ever…group sex, S&M, everything…and then, halfway through, a dog gets in on the action. Before anyone can blink an eye, the dog has had sex with all the women in every orifice, and most of the men.
Embarrassed, Jerry turns to the old couple and whispers, Im only here for the music.
The woman turns to Jerry and whispers back, Were only here to see our dog.
15
May
Manolo es atropellado; mientras se encontraba en el suelo, decia con grandes gemidos:
InclÃnenme, inclÃnenme! Y repetÃa esta misma frase durante varios minutos.
Como es de suponer la gente le ponÃa de un lado y luego del otro y Manolo seguÃa:
¡InclÃnenme, inclÃnenme!
Por suerte su amigo Venancio pasa por ahà y le escucha. Entonces les dice a todos los que trataban de ayudarlo:
¡Ignorantes!… ¿qué no ven que el pobre está pidiendo que le internen en una clÃnica?
15
May
Un sacerdote estaba dando el sermón en la misa, cuando ve que en la primera fila un tipo se está quedando dormido. El padre se pone colérico y sube el tono de voz para despertarlo, pero como éste no se despierta, le dice al niño que estaba al lado:
Despiértame a ese señor.
¿Y yo por qué, si usted fue el que lo durmió?
15
May
Todos estaban mirando el album familiar. Pepito, el más chico de la familia, mira la foto de un hombre muy apuesto, delgado, de bigotes y pelo negro, entonces pregunta:
Mamá, ¿quien es este hombre?
Ese es tu papá.
El muchacho mira de reojo a su padre, se le acerca a su mamá y le dice al oÃdo:
Y el pelón gordo y feo que vive con nosotros ¿quien es?