Ive got to stop getting fired like this. People will start to think Im a drifter. – Lee Iacocca
03
Jan
03
Jan
If it doesnt make sense, its either economics or psychology.
03
Jan
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods…
Cats have never forgotten this.
Heres proof that Cats are smarter than dogs…
You cant get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.Dogs come when theyre called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God!Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel.
I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.My husband said it was him or the cat… I miss him sometimes.
Cats arent clean, theyre just covered with cat spit!
03
Jan
A survey has found that about 90% of all Hallmark greeting cards are purchased by women. In order to attract more males to buy and exchange greeting cards, the following are some greeting card suggestions created to attract more male buyers:
Cover picture: Dim, misty, moody picture of a vase of roses. Cover caption: Condolances Inside caption: …on the loss of your remote control.
Cover picture: Nostalgic picture of a young couple strolling through a field holding hands. Cover caption: Darling, as we go into our 10th year together… Inside caption: I swear Ill leave my wife soon!
Cover picture: Gold-leafed picture of a vase of red roses. Cover caption: Get well soon, darling! Inside caption: This house doesnt clean itself!
Cover picture: Two men standing on lush golf course, one of them ready to putt. Cover caption: To my golf partner… Inside caption: Just to let you know, Im sleeping with my secretary.
Cover picture: Dark moody picture of a vase of roses. Cover caption: In sympathy, Im sorry to hear the news… Inside caption: That youve been beaten senseless again in another bar fight.
Cover picture: Norman Rockwell-ish painting of a young girl picking daisies. Cover caption: To the daughter that I love… Inside caption: No daughter of mine is leaving this house dressed like a slut!
Cover picture: Misty photo of a couple embracing and kissing. Cover caption: To my wonderful wife…I know weve had a little disagreement Inside caption: But please dont cut off my sex organ as I sleep tonight!
Cover picture: Photo of two men shaking hands. Cover caption: Congratulations and the best of luck! Inside caption: To the installation of your new hair plugs!
03
Jan
A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery,loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians, he buries them.
The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man. So you buried all the politicians? asked the police officer. Were they all dead?
The farmer answered, Some said they werent, but you know how politicians lie.
03
Jan
A man was looking into the Bible for some guidance. Not knowing where to look, he simply opened the Bible randomly and point his finger at a passage. Wherever his finger lands, he will take as advice.
Heres the first: Judas went out and hanged himself. Not knowing what to make out of that, he tried again.
This time it is: Go and do likewise. Completely baffled, he tried a third time.
Whatever you are to do, do so quickly.
02
Jan
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Midas!
Midas who?
Midas well open the door!
02
Jan
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Tank!
Tank who?
Your welcome!
02
Jan
Q: How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but first they have to rewire the entire building.
02
Jan
Un abogado se muere y se va al cielo, llega y toca la puerta. En eso sale San Pedro y le dice: ¿Tú quien eres?
Yo soy abogado y me han mandado al cielo, responde al abogado. ¡No, no! tú no puedes entrar acá.
¿Pero cómo que no puedo entrar?, ¿tú quien eres para decirme que no puedo entrar?
¿Como?… yo soy San pedro, el que decide si entras o no.
A ver, ¿dónde está tu tÃtulo que dice que eres San pedro, el único que puede dejar o no entrar al cielo?
Un momento, dice San Pedro, y se va corriendo a buscar a Jesús y le cuenta lo que pasa con el abogaddo.
Entonces sale Jesús: Bueno, hombre, al parecer tú no puedes entrar al cielo porque ya no tenemso espacio, y ya… ya no pues.
¿Cómo que no hay sitio, tú quién eres para que no me dejes entrar?
Yo soy Jesus el hijo de Dios y te digo que ya no puedes entrar al cielo.
¿Cómo que hijo de Dios? ¿Cuál Dios?, a ver, enseñame tu partida de nacimiento donde dice que eres el hijo de Dios.
Entonces Jesus va a buscar a Dios…
Papá… allá afuera hay un abogado que quiere entrar al cielo, primero le pidió su tÃtulo a San Pedro, luego me pidió partida de nacimiento para ver si soy hijo de Dios… ¿qué hago?
Ya, ya, ya… déjalo entrar, ¡no vaya ser que me pida partida de matrimonio!