Old and New Jokes

Your kids LIKE the Arch Deluxe hamburger at McDonalds.

You think the tobacco companies have done nothing wrong.

You *have* a clawfoot bathtub.

The late Sir Thomas Beecham used to say the sound of the harpsichord is like two skeletons making love on a tin roof.

¡Doctor, doctor! ¿Por qué cada vez que me miro en el espejo se me empalma?

No me extraña nada, responde el facultativo.

Sorprendido, el paciente inquiere:

¡Oiga, no me asuste y dígamelo ya de una maldita vez!

No me extraña, con la cara de coño que tiene usted…

Un borracho que va por la calle le pregunta a un señor:

Perdón, la calle Miramar.

Y el amable señor le contesta:

Es la que viene.

Y el borracho dice:

¡Ah, pues entonces la espero!

There was a young lady from France



Who got on a bus in a trance



Everyone fucked her



Apart from the Conductor



But he came twice in his pants.

My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, And so made sure that she would stay, In better spirits night and day.

Bills Attempt to Seize Industry Control

Why does a Jewish American Princess wear a gold diaphragm?

So her boyfriend will think he is coming into money.

The girl knelt in the confessional and said, Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. What is it, child? Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am. The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, My dear, I have good news. That isnt a sin – its only a mistake.

When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 13
years to live.