Underwater ship builders are concerned with sub-optimization.
24
Oct
24
Oct
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
198. Take up cooking. Cook exotic foods from scratch without using any cookbooks or recipes.
24
Oct
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, thats where youre supposed to wash vegetables!
24
Oct
A: Proofreading.
24
Oct
* Reading, Pa., county controller Judith Kraines complained at a commissioners meeting in January about having to type letters and do other business on a typewriter because her computer was old and no one had been able to get it to work for two years.
If we had a computer, she said, letters would go out faster.
Three days later, she announced that the computer she was complaining about in fact had not been plugged in to any electrical outlet and that when the plug was inserted and the computer was turned on, it worked fine.
[Reading Eagle-Times, 1-21-96]
24
Oct
When the AirForce 1 prepares to land, the Captain speaks over the intercom:
The seatbelt sign is on Mr. President, would you please put the stewardess in the upright position.
24
Oct
How many Harvard men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One; he stands still and the world revolves around him.
24
Oct
Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown. Doctor: What does he call his other eye?
24
Oct
Every list seems to go through the same cycle:
1. Initial enthusiasm (people introduce themselves, and gush alot about how wonderful it is to find kindred souls).
2. Evangelism (people moan about how few folks are posting to the list, and brainstorm recruitment strategies).
3. Growth (more and more people join, more and more lengthy threads develop, occasional off-topic threads pop up).
4. Community (lots of threads, some more relevant than others; lots of information and advice is exchanged; experts help other experts as well as less experienced colleagues; friendships develop; people tease each other; newcomers are welcomed with generosity and patience; everyone – newbie and expert alike – feels comfortable asking questions, suggesting answers, and sharing opinions).
5. Discomfort with diversity (the number of messages increases dramatically; not every thread is fascinating to every reader; people start complaining about the signal-to-noise ratio; person 1 threatens to quit if *other* people dont limit discussion to person 1s pet topic; person 2 agrees with person 1; person 3 tells 1 & 2 to lighten up; more bandwidth is wasted complaining about off-topic threads than is used for the threads themselves; everyone gets annoyed).
6a. Smug complacency and stagnation (the purists flame everyone who asks an old question or responds with humor to a serious post; newbies are rebuffed; traffic drops to a doze-producing level of a few minor issues; all interesting discussions happen by private email and are limited to a few participants; the purists spend lots of time self-righteously congratulating each other on keeping off-topic threads off the list).
OR
6b. Maturity (a few people quit in a huff; the rest of the participants stay near stage 4, with stage 5 popping up briefly every few weeks; many people wear out their second or third delete key, but the list lives contentedly ever after).
24
Oct
Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.
Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a mans penis?
A. His body.
Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because theyre practicing to be men.
Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One – he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
OR
A. Three – one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.
Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didnt hold the pillow down long enough.
Q. Why do doctors slap babies butts right after theyre born?
A. To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they dont like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.
Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.
Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q. Whats the best way to kill a man?
A. Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
Q. What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A. They either cling, run or dont fit right in the crotch!
Q. Why do men whistle when theyre sitting on the toilet?
A. Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q. What is the difference between men and women…
A. A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q. How does a man keep his youth?
A. By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A. Rename the mail folder to instruction manuals
Send this to five bright, funny women you know and make their day!!
P.S. AT LEAST FINDING 5 BRIGHT, FUNNY WOMEN IS POSSIBLE