Old and New Jokes

A2: Buy her another beer.

In tough situations you ask yourself, What would Curly do?

Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are Play Ball…

These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say…

WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?

Translated:* What did you catch me at?

IM NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.

Translated:* No one will ever see us alive again.

WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.

Translated:* I make the messes; she cleans them up.

A young man was staying on a farm with his uncle and aunt for the summer. One morning the aunt and uncle walked in the kitchen and the young man was drinking an extremely large glass of milk.

The young man said I took the liberty of milking your cow this morning! He then continues and says it took me a while to get her started up. She must be old and stubbly.

The uncle says with a confused look Um son we dont have a cow…We have a bull!

Mary and Betty were friends that worked in the same office. At lunch, Betty confided to her co-worker that she had an awful row with her husband the night before.

What was it about? asked Mary.

He was going through a closet, looking for something, and found my birth control pills.

Well?

He had a vasectomy two years ago!

Yo Momma so old the first cruise line she ever road on was Noahs Ark!

What do true rednecks do on Halloween?

– Pump kin.

British Columbia, Canada: Police officers on patrol about 1:00 am spotted 4
men breaking into a vehicle. They gave chase on foot, catching and arresting
two of the men. The other two escaped. A couple of hours later, two men
showed up at the main desk of the police station, asking when their buddies
were going to be released. They were carrying (and wearing) items which had
been stolen from the car.

Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?

A: You dont let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?