Un compadre le dice a otro:
¿No crees que cada dÃa hay más maricones en el mundo?
No, ¿por qué?
Vamos a suponer, si yo te diera mil pesos ¿me darÃas las nalgas?
¡No, cómo cree compadre!
¿Y si te diera cien mil?
Ah caray, eso si está de pensarse.
Ya ve compadre, putos si hay, lo que no hay es dinero.
A ship was travelling over a rough sea when all of a sudden a violent storm broke out.
The people on the boat were extremely scared of being thrown overboard so they all went downstairs. When the big waves started throwing the ship around there were still three people on deck who refused to go downstairs.
After a few hard knocks the ship was turned upside down and sank. The only survivors were the three guys who stayed on deck who washed up on a deserted island.
The next morning the guys decided that they would have to live together in harmony and they made an agreement to be friends.
Two days later after the three guys had built a shelter and found some fresh water and fruit, a bottle washed up on the shore. One of the guys walked up the beach and brought the bottle back to the shelter for the others to see.
Blaze, the smartest of the three said they should open it. Jay, the strongest of the three grabbed the bottle and pulled at the cork wedged tightly in the top, but couldnt open it. So Blaze grabbed the cork as well and they pulled together, but it still wouldnt budge.
Finally, Joel the weirdest, oldest guy grabbed hold of the cork and they all pulled together.
Suddenly the cork flew of into the air followed by a shroud of smoke. When the thick smoke began to clear, there stood a huge Genie. The Genie said, I am the mighty Genie of the bottle and to thank you little humans for setting me free I will grant you each one wish.
Blaze, the smartest of the three said straight away, I want to be back home running my own University and every will see how smart I really am.
Jay, The strongest of the three thought for a second and said, I want to be back at home running the worlds largest gym and everyone will see how strong I really am.
Joel, the weird old guy sat on the beach for a few hours thinking and eventually fell asleep. When he woke he saw the huge Genie and jumped to his feet with fright.
Old foolish man I grow impatient, make your wish soon or suffer my wrath, said the Genie.
The old man was scared, but angry at the Genie for talking to him so rudely and said You shouldnt talk to elderly folk like that! I wish my friends Blaze and Jay were here to kick your fat arse then youd be sorry!
Then with a puff of smoke the Genie was gone and then Blaze, Jay and Joel sat together in the sand.
Old accountants never die – they just lose their balance.
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, What are you charged with?
Doing my Christmas shopping early, replied the defendant.
Thats no offense, said the judge. How early were you doing this shopping?
Before the store opened, countered the prisoner.
The 3 stages of man:
He believes in Santa Claus.
He doesnt believe in Santa Claus.
He *is* Santa Claus
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
There is a blonde in a boat, in the middle of a field, rowing away. Another blonde drives by in her car and sees the women, in the boat, in the field rowing away.
The blonde in the car stops, jumps out and yells, Hey you… Its women like you who give blondes a bad name!! And if I knew how to swim I would come out there and KICK YOUR ASS!!!
How is Monica Lewinsky like a soda machine?
Please Insert Bill.
Dear Maevis,
I have become a little older since I saw you last and a few changes have come into my life since then. I have become quite a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen every day.
Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go to see John. Then Charlie Horse comes along and when he is here, he takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesnt like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint. After such a busy day Im really tired and glad to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life!
The preacher came to call the other day. He said that at my age, I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him I do all the time. No matter where I am, in the den, in the bedroom, in the kitchen or in the garage, I ask myself, What am I here after?
Well, I guess growing old is not so bad since old folks are worth a fortune with silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet, and gas in their stomachs!
Your good ole friend, Ethel
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, I want to open a damn checking account.
The astonished woman replies, I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?
Listen up, damnit. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!
Im very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank. The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to foul language.
They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, Sir, what seems to be the problem here?
There is no damn problem, the man says. I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank, okay?
I see, says the manager, is this bitch giving you a hard time?
The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work: I have great news for you. Pretty soon were going to be 3 in this house instead of just two.
The husband was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said: Im glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us.
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.
One said to the other, What do you think about all this Satan stuff?
The other boy replied, Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. Its probably just your dad.