Old and New Jokes

This bear goes into a bar and asks for a beer.

The barman says Sorry, we dont serve beers to bears in this bar.

The bear bangs on the bar.

The barman says Sorry, we dont serve beers to bears in this bar, especially not bears who bang on bars.

The bear grabs a passing barmaid and bashes her.

The barman says Sorry, we dont serve beers to bears in this bar, especially not bears who bang on bars and bash barmaids.

The bear bellows at the other barman to bring him a beer.

The barman says Sorry, we dont serve beers to bears in this bar,
especially not bears who bang on bars, bash barmaids and bellow at barmen.

In exasperation, the bear bites the bar.

The barman says Sorry, we dont serve bears who are on drugs.

The bear says On drugs?

The barman says Yes – I saw the bar-bit-u-ate

Es el año 3.000 y en un mercado está un vendedor de cerebros:

¡Cerebros! ¡vendo cerebros!

Se acerca un hombre y dice: Una preguntita, ¿este cerebro cuánto cuesta?

Este vale 50.000 pesos.

¡Epa!, ¿de quién era?

Era de Cervantes.

¿Y ése?

Bueno, ése cuesta 150.000 pesos.

¡Qué barabaridad!, ¿de quién era?

Ese es el cerebro de Einstein.

¿Y ese cerebro?

¡Ah!, ese cuesta 2 millones de pesos.

¡No es posible!… ¿de quién era?

Era de una mujer.

¿Y por eso cuesta tanto?

¡claro! ¡Está sin estrenar!

Dos maricas iban en un elevador y uno le dice a otro:

Oye manita, huele como a semen.

¡Ay, perdón, es que eructé!

Only a fool can reproduce another fools work.

If fortification means a very large fort, why doesnt ratification
mean a very large rat?

Q: What do you call a smart blonde? A: A Golden Retriever.

Man to store keeper: Id like some nails Store keeper to man: How long do you want them Man to store keeper: Oh Id like to keep them

Santa singh and banta singh are the best of friends.santa is a bachelor while banta is married to a sexy woman.she has a voracious appetite for sex and banta cannot live upto her expectations.he simply gets tired.so soon bantas wife gets attracted to santa who is a strong,energetic,handsome sardar.soon they are in love.one day they decide to go to the next level….

Banta has a 5 yr. Old son.one fine morning bantas wife wakes him up at 5 in the morning and gives him a cold bath in the middle of the winter season.the poor child gets a slight fever by midday.grabbing this chance,bantas wife asks banta to take the child to the hospital.as soon as banta has left she calls over santa for some fun.

By half an hour they are both making wild love when suddenly they hear bantas car horn.scared santa hides behind the curtains.enter banta.he sees his wife lying on the bed.he asks her why she is sleeping when she says that she is feeling cold. He checks her temp…on the forehead and then on the chest and realises that she is naked. He then asks her why she is naked and she says that in between she is also feeling hot. The stupid asshole gets confused as to what strange illnass his wife has and goes to call the doctor.

In the meantime the 5 yr. Old son realises that something is fishy and begins to search the house.he sees two big feet and goes and rips away the curtains and has the shock of his life when he sees ……….a fully naked man,6 feet tall,a foot long dick,and hair upto his knees….when the poor child screams,daaaaady,and faints. Listening to his sons cry banta arrives at the scene and sees his naked wife standing beside the bed wrapped in a bedsheet…next to her is his best pal santa (also naked),and lying at his feet is his son.banta gets the picture.

He goes over to santa, slaps him really hard.(santas head lowers down in shame). Banta says… Yaar sante,aise dosti dikhai na toone?mere ghar me itna bada crisis chal raha hai,aur tu nanga hokar mere bachhe ko darata hai!!!!

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money."Youre finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50."And by the way," the blonde added, "thats not a Porch, its a Ferrari."

A distraught man went to a psychiatrist and exclaimed, Doctor, I believe that I am possessed by an evil spirit. After talking to the patient at some length, the psychiatrist said, You do appear to have a problem. Id like to see you again next Wednesday.

After a second session of psychotherapy, the psychiatrist pronounced his patient completely cured.

For the next nine months, the psychiatrist sent the man a monthly statement for his professional services, but the man wouldnt pay and refused to acknowledge the debt.

Finally, the psychiatrist took the man to court and had him repossessed.