In Northern Ireland, a Catholic priest is driving down the road when he slams into another car rounding a curve.
Out of it steps an Anglican Bishop. They apologize all over themselves and determine that neither is seriously hurt. Shaken, the priest goes back to his car and pulls a flask out of the glove compartment, offering it to the bishop.
I think I will, says the bishop, taking a swig. He offers it back, but the priest declines, saying, Ill think Ill wait until after the police get here.
A farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who insisted on a tour of the place after she arrived. When they were walking through the barn, the farmers mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.
At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stationed himself at the casket and greeted friends and family as they walked by. The pastor noticed that, whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head, Yes. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head, No.
The pastor noticed this happened without fail, Yes to women, No to men. He asked the farmer after the service what that was all about.
The farmer replied, The women would say, What a terrible tragedy and I would nod my head and say, Yes, it is. The men would ask, Want to sell that mule?, and I would shake my head and say, Not on your life.
Two Dallas Cowboys were in a car. Who was driving? The cops.
A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations asking for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants revealed the following low-lights:
1. … stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.
2. She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.
3. A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece.
4. … asked to see interviewers resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate.
5. … announced she hadnt had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewers office – wiping the ketchup on her sleeve
6. Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
7. Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions.
8. When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office.
9 . At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, went through his briefcase, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left.
10. … pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him.
11. Said he wasnt interested because the position paid too much.
12. While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold.
13. During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidates brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview.
14. A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: Which company? When do I start? Whats the salary? I said, I assume youre not interested in conducting the interview any further. He promptly responded, I am as long as youll pay me more. I didnt hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer.
15. His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume.
16. Candidate said he really didnt want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one.
17. … asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security.
18. Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk.
Tyrannosaurus hex
What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs dont turn into men when they drink.
Un psicólogo venezolano llama a un colega a las 2 de la mañana:
¡Tienes que venirte para mi consultorio inmediatamente!
¿A las 2 de la mañana?
¡Es que tengo un caso único aquÃ!
Pero… ¿de que se trata?
¡Tengo un caso de complejo de inferioridad!
¿Estas loco?… ¡yo atiendo a MILES de pacientes asÃ, todos los dÃas!
SÃ, sÃ… pero… ¿argentino?
Un desnudista que camina por una playa solitaria se detiene ante unos letreros que advierten:
¡Cuidado con los homosexuales!
¡CuÃdese de los gays!
¡Protéjase de los pájaros!
El hombre, sorprendido, se dice a sà mismo:
¿Cómo que me cuide de los homosexuales, si esta playa está solitaria?
El tipo no hace caso y sigue su paseo. Metros después, ve un letrerito muy pequeño que despierta su curiosidad. Cuando se agacha a leerlo, ve el siguiente mensaje:
¡SE LO ADVERTIMOS!
You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.