Un padre de Tontilandia envÃa a su hijo a estudiar al extranjero y al paso del tiempo le escribe el siguiente telegrama:
Hijo, te extraño mucho, dime que prefieres: ¿que yo vaya a visitarte o vienes tu a casa?
A la semana el hijo le responde: Si.
El padre envÃa otro telegrama y le pregunta: Si… ¿qué?
Dos semanas más tarde, el hijo vuelve a responder: SÃ, padre.
Why do women wear make up and perfume?
Because theyre often under increasing pressure from a society which over- simplifies the process of ascertaining ones worth and attractiveness by reducing someone down to individual physical attributes.
…or is it because theyre ugly and they smell bad?
You came of age in the 60s and dont remember Bob Dylan.
Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
A burglary was recently committed at West Hams ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.
The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup. Snow White says Well at least Dopeys alive!
Q: How does Stan Collymore change a lightbulb?
A: He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him
The Fire brigade phones George Graham in the early hours of Sunday morning.
Mr Graham sir, White Hart Lane is on fire!
The cups man! Save the cups! cries George.
Uh, the fire hasnt spread to the canteen yet, sir.
Apparently, Harry Redknapp offered to send the West Ham squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they said theyd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what its like to ride on an open-top bus.
Big Ron was caught speeding on his way to the City Ground today.
Ill do anything for 3 points, he said when questioned.
The Nottingham Forest Chairman is considering replacing Big Ron with Steve Davis. Explaining this unusual move, he said we dont just need points now, we need snookers!
British Rail have decided to start sponsoring Forest. BR think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures.
The stomach expands to accommodate the amount of junk food available.
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, Ill bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye. The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.
He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man cant possibly have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her babys diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it good for up to 20 pounds.
Yo Mamas so fat, they had to change, One Size Fits All, to One Size Fits Most!
There was an amazing accident involving a Rabbi and a Priest. The cars are completetly shaterred though the Rabbi and the Preist dont even bare a scratch on them The Preists looks at the rabbis kippa and says:
Oh Youre a Rabbi
Then the Rabbi looks at the Preists collar and says:
Oh Youre a Priest
Yes Amswered the Priest
Well look at this both of our cars are shattered to bits, but none of us bare a scratch this must be a sign of G-D that we should be friends
Yes this is a sign exclaimed the Priest
The Rabbi notices in his car that a wine bottle with a Mogen David on it isnt broken
Look The rabbi points to the bottle, he continues My wine bottle isnt shattered this must be a sign from G-D that we should drink this to commemerate that we are friends
Yes this must be a sign says the priest who takes the bottle from the Rabbis car and starts to drink until he is half-way done with the bottle then hands it to the rabbi, where the Rabbi takes it and closes the bottle.
Arent you going to have a sip Rabbi
Nahh….. I think Ill wait for the police