Yo Mama is so fat, she tried to fit into a pair of BVDs and by the time she got it on, it spelled BOULEVARD.
Yo Mama is so ugly, she went to the beauty parlor and it took her three hours just to get an estimate.
Yo Mama is so old, she went to a museum and they tried to claim her as an exhibit.
Yo Mama is so fat, she jumped in the air and got stuck.
Yo Mama is so old, when God said let there be light, she was there to flick the switch.
Yo Mama is so dumb, she threw a rock at the ground and missed, tripped over the wire of a cordless phone, and got hit by a parked car.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Three coaches flew to the NCAA convention. The plane crashed, all three d ied. All three noticed God up in the clouds sitting in a chair. God wanted to know three things: Who are you? What did you do? and What did people think of you?
The first person said, Im Denny Crum. I was the 2nd best coach in the nation. I won 2 national championships and won over 20 games a year and the people of Kentucky think I am great.
God said, Denny, stand to my right.
The next person said, Im John Thompson. I was the 3rd best coach in the nation. I won conference championships and made our program respectable. The people of Washington DC think I am great.
God said, John, stand on my left side.
The third person stood before God and said, Im Bobby Knight. I have won three national championships, two NIT championships, the Pan Am games, the Olympics, nine Big Ten championships, the youngest coach ever to win 600 games and the people of Indiana think you are sitting in my chair.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Bolivia!
Boliva who?
Boliva me, I know what Im talking about!
Posted in Knock-knock |
Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th
Posted in Yo Mama |
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer.
He sips it and sets it down a monkey swings across the bar and pisses in the pint.
The man asks the barman who owns the monkey.
The barman replies the piano player.
The man walks over to the piana player and says Do you know your monkey pissed in my beer.
The pianist replies No, but if you hum it Ill play it.
Posted in Bar |
How to say…..I Love You
in Different Languages
English………I Love You
Spanish……..Te Amo
French………Je Taime
German……..Ich Liebe Dich
Japanese……Ai Shite Imasu
Italian………..Ti Amo
Chinese……..Wo Ai Ni
Swedish…….Jag Alskar Dig
Eskimo………Nagligivaget
Greek………..SAgapo
Hawaiian…….Aloha Wau la Oe
Irish………….Thaim In Grabh Leat
Hebrew………Ani Ohev Otakh
Russian……..Ya Lyublyu Tyebya
Albanian…….Une Te Dua
Finnish………Mina Rakkastan Sinua
Turkish………Seni Seviyorum
Hungarian….Se Ret Lay
Persian……..Du Stet Daram
Maltese……..ien Inhobbok
Catalan……..Testimo Molt
Redneck ……Nice Tits
Posted in Foul Language |
De 8 años la llevas a la cama y le cuentas un cuento.
De 18 años le cuentas un cuento y te la llevas a la cama.
De 28 años no necesitas contarle ningún cuento para llevártela a la cama.
De 38 años ella te cuenta un cuento y te lleva a la cama.
De 48 años le cuentas un cuento para evitar ir a la cama.
De 58 años ella te dice: Tú en la cama ya eres puro cuento.
De 68 años eres tú quien no quiere saber nada de cuentos ni de camas.
De 88 años apenas ven la cama pero no se acuerdan como era el cuento.
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Old, I told her to act her own age, and she died.
poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked
her what she was doing, she said Moving.
nasty, her hairy armpits look like shes got
Buckwheat in a headlock.
ugly, when she puts her face next to the bowl trying to
hear snap-crackle-pop, all she heard was ARGHHHHHHHH!!!
Lets get the hell outta here.
old, she co-wrote one of the ten commandments.
poor, they put her picture on food stamps.
old, she owes Jesus Christ a quarter.
old, her social security number is 1.
poor, she cant even pay attention.
poor, she went to Kentucky Fried Chicken and
licked everyone elses fingers.
old, she knew Burger King When he was a prince.
old, shes got Jesus beeper number.
glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map,
she can see people waving at her
ugly, cockroaches go like this HI! MOM
poor, when she heard about Last Supper, she
thought she ran out of food stamps
old, she planted the first tree at Central Park
old, she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp
ugly, that your father takes her to work with him so
that he doesnt have to kiss her goodbye.
old, that when she was in school there was no history class.
old, she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
poor, when I ring the doorbell she says,DING!
poor, she ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
hairy, Bigfoot took a picture of her!
skinny, she turned sideways and dissapeared.
poor, she went to McDonalds and had to put
her french fries on lay-a-way.
old, she knew Captain Crunch when he was a private
nearsighted, she can see the future
old, her birth certificate says Expired on it.
old, she was Bob Doles baby sitter.
Posted in Foul Language |
Knock Knock!
Whos there?
Someone who cant reach the doorbell
Posted in General / Unsorted |
To err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics.
Posted in Business |