Old and New Jokes

A young man graduated from University of Arkansas with a degreein journalism. His first assignment for the newspaper who hired himwas to write a human interest story. Being from Arkansas, he wentback to the country to do his research. He went to an old farmershouse way back in the hills, introduced himself to the farmer andproceeded to explain to him why he was there. The young manasked, Has anything ever happened around here that made youhappy?

The farmer thought for a minute and said, Yep! One time one ofmy neighbors sheep got lost. We formed a posse and found it. Weall screwed it and took it back home.

I cant print that! the young man exclaimed.

Can you think ofanything else that happened that made you or a lot of other peoplehappy?

After another moment, the farmer said, Yeah, one time myneighbors daughter, a good looking girl, got lost. We formed a bigposse that time and found her. After we all screwed her, we tookher back home.

Again, the young man said I cant print that either. Has anythingever happened around here that made you sad?

The old farmer dropped his head as if he were ashamed and after afew seconds looked up timidly at the young man and said, I gotlost once.

Stascz and Janos went for a walk in the countryside. After a while, Stascz had to answer a call of nature. Spying an outhouse, he excused himself.

Janos waited for Stascz…and waited, and waited. Finally, he looked inside and saw Stascz stirring around in the outhouse muck with a stick.

Stascz, what the hell are you doing, stirring in the shit?

he yells.

I dropped my jacket down the hole, he complains.

Its the one my momma gave me.

Janos shakes his head.

Youre crazy–you not gonna wear that thing now, are you?

Hell no, Stascz assures him, but theres a baloney sandwich in one of the pockets!

What is the difference between a female lawer and a bulldog?



Lipstick!!!!

Its lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.

Where is it that everybody has curly hair?

Africa

What do you call two black guys in a sleeping bag?

Twix

Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.

What happened to you feet? his wife asked.

I had a childhood disease called tolio.

Dont you mean polio?

No, tolio, it only affects the toes.

He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees.

What happened to your knees? she asked.

Well, I also had kneesles.

Dont you mean measles?

No, kneesles, it only affects the knees.

When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said…

Dont tell me, you also had smallcox!

A man had just put his 89 year old father in a nursing home. On the fathers 90th bithday, the son, feeling like he needed to do something sepcial for the old boy, called the local brothel. The Madam explained that she had the good, better, and super sex packages. Being the old mans 90th birthday, the son ordered the super sex package. On the day of the fathers 90th birthday, the madam sends her finest call girl to the old mans room. she bursts through the door wearing nothing but a sexy neglige and says Im here to give you super Sex!. The old man says
Ill have the soup.

A blonde is working at the local Starbucks. A lady walks in and orders an Iced Cappuccino.Do you want it hot or cold?