24
Dec

Un individuo se encuentra una

Un individuo se encuentra una lámpara maravillosa; la frota y sale un malhumorado genio:

¿Qué quieres, güey?

¿Qué, no me vas a cumplir tres deseos?

Ándale, pues, pero rápido, cabrón. Te advierto que soy muy perverso, así que ten cuidado. ¿Cuál es el primero?

Ya no quiero ver a mi suegra nunca más.

¡Zas!, el malvado genio le arranca los ojos.

Te lo advertí, te dije que soy muy perverso. Rápido, ¿cuál es el segundo?

Quiero que el pene me llegue hasta el suelo.

¡Zas!, el pérfido le corta las piernas.

¡Ay, ay!, se queja el hombre.

¿Qué te pasa? Yo te lo advertí. ¡Ándale, el último!

Bueno, me has dejado ciego y sin piernas, al menos hazme rico.

¿Qué te haga rico?

Entonces el genio agarra y se lo coge.

24
Dec

Estaban un conejo y un

Estaban un conejo y un zorrillo en un bosque. Y los dos decidieron hacer una carrera a ver quien era mas rápido, entonces cuando iban por la carretera los atropella un carro. Después de un tiempo los dos se despertaton, pero perdieron la memoria a causa del golpe.

Entonces le pregunta el conejo al zorrillo: ¿Qúién soy? descríbeme.

El zorrillo dice: Eres pequeño, tienes un rabo muy pequeño, orejas largas y puedes brincar.

Ahhh, soy un conejo, dice el conejo.

El zorrillo dice: Descríbeme a mí.

Eres pequeño, peludo, hueles feo y tienes una división en el medio.

Y el zorrillo dice: ¡Ahhh! soy un culo, soy un culo.

24
Dec

Un padre que se hallaba

Un padre que se hallaba paseando con su hijito de 8 años, cogidos de la mano, por los alrededores de una casa de campo y en eso, que el niño se percata de la presencia de un burro que estaba pastando por allí el cual, estaba totalmente empalmado, con su pene totalmente tieso y que le llegaba al suelo. El chaval asombrado le dice al padre:

¡Mira papá, ese animal tiene un palo muy grande debajo de la barriga!, ¿qué es lo que le ocurre?

El padre ruborizado y balbuceando le contesta:

Eso no es nada mi niño. Eso es que el pobre animal está enfermo. Cuando ellos se ponen malitos, les crece eso debajo de la barriguita.

Al día siguiente, se hallaba el niño paseando por el mismo sitio, pero esta vez iba solo con la madre y se percata de la presencia del mismo burro, el cual seguia con el pene totalmente tieso y el niño suelta una exclamación:

¡Mira mamá, mira ese burrito con ese palo debajo de la barriguita!, eso es porque está malito y le sale eso así.

La madre totalmente asombrada le pregunta:

¿Pero a tí, quien te ha dicho que ese animal está malito por ponerse de esa manera, hijo mio?

El niño muy seguro, le contesta:

Papá me lo dijo ayer.

La madre soltando una sonrisa sarcástica le dice:

Ah, conque fue tu padre; pues ya le gustaría a tu padre tener la mitad de salud que tiene ese burro.

24
Dec

Deer Guts

Two guys went hunting. The one guy went over to a stump to take a crap. He falls asleep while doing his buisness, and the other guy shoots and guts his deer. For a joke he puts the deer guts under his sleeping buddy. He walks away. Later he comes back just as the guy is pulling his pants back up. He asked him if anything exciting happened and the guy said, I shit out my intestines so I shoved them back up my ass!.

24
Dec

Knock Knock Whos there? Yachts! Yachts who? Yachts up,

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Yachts!
Yachts who?
Yachts up, doc!

24
Dec

Build a system that even

Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.

24
Dec

Well, it seems that these

Well, it seems that these three fellows, an American, a German and a
[ethnic], are about to be executed in front of a firing squad. As the
final hour approachs, each man is trying to think of a way to escape his
inevitable doom. The time comes for the execution and the American is
brought first in front of the firing squad. As the blindfold is being tied
around his head, he decides that he will attempt his escape by diverting
the attention of his executioners at the final moment, and then running
away.

The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown: 10, 9, 8,……

Just before the officer reaches 1, the American shouts,
Flood!

Startled, all of the gunmen look up from their rifles and turn around
searching for the onrush of water. In all of this confusion, the American
manages to take off his blindfold and run away. By the time the
executioners are aware of what happened, the American has made his way deep
into the woods. And, of course, for the purposes of this joke, no attempt
is made to catch the runaway.

The German is called on next to appear before the squad. Seeing the
Americans success, the German decides to attempt a similar escape. He
knows, though, that his executioners will not fall for the flood trick
Again. Instead, he decides to use another natural disaster.

The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown: 10, 9, 8,
……

Just before the officer reaches 1, the German shouts,
Hurricane! Startled, all of the gunmen look up from their rifles
and turn around searching for the onrush of wind. In all of the confusion,
the German manages to take off his blindfold and run away. By the time the
executioners are aware of what happened, the German has made his way deep
into the woods. Again, of course, for the purposes of this joke, no
attempt is made to catch the runaway.

The [ethnic] is called on next to appear before the squad. Seeing his
predecessors successes, the [ethnic] decides to attempt a similar escape.
He knows, though, that his executioners will not fall for the flood or
the hurricane tricks again. Instead, he decides to use another natural
disaster.

The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown: 10, 9, 8,

…… Just before the officer reaches 1, the [ethnic] shouts, Fire!

24
Dec

What is a Jewish American

What is a Jewish American Princesss favorite sexual position?

Facing Bloomingdales.

24
Dec

The town was so small

The town was so small the only way to get there was on a Lionel Train.

24
Dec

Maybe next time.

This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father.

His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get?

He replies I got the part or a man who has been married for 25 years.

His father congradulated him. And then he said Thats good son, maybe next time youll get a talking role!