Old and New Jokes

One Saturday morning, Glen decided to go fishing.

He sat there for hours,but nothing. The bottle whiskey that heve took with him,was also empty. He throw the empty bottle into pieces against a nearby rock.

All of a sudden, there was something on the hook. He pulled the fish out of the water. The only fish for the day so far. The fish was so small, Glen decided to throw it back.

The little fish was so exited, to such an extend, that it decided to give Glen one wish.

He asked the little fish for some more whiskey. The fish said, Allright then, when youre urinating, it will be pure whiskey.

So Glen sat there, and wonder, can this really be? Glen took a glass and urinate in it. It was pure, pure whiskey.

A while later, a women, who was standing nearby, comes to him and asks, sir are you allright? I saw you drinking your own piss.

No, said Glen, its whiskey.

The women laughed. He urinate into the glass, and gave it to her. She couldnt believe it.

So they sat there almost for the rest of the day, drinking whiskey.

After about the seventh double, she asks Glen for a nother one. He looked her in the eye, throw the glass into pieces against the rock and said What about drinking out of the bottle?

Two retired professors were vacationing with their wives at a hotel in the Catskills. They were sitting on the veranda one summer evening, watching the sunset.

The history professor asked the psychology professor, Have you read Marx?

The professor of psychology replied, Yes. I think its these pesky wicker chairs.

Esta uno del Lepe escuchando la radio, cuando de repente, la radio se extropea y el de Lepe se extraña porque era nueva. Entonces abre la radio y al abrirla sale una cucaracha muerta y dice ¡hay se me murió el cantante!

Yo mama so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff a fat, little Israeli guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, I think Ill go up and get a coke.

No problem, said the Israeli. Ill get it for you. While he was gone, the Arab picked up the Israelis shoe and spit in it. When the Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, That looks good. I think Ill have one too.

Again, the Israeli obligingly went to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab other picked up the other shoe and spit in it. The Israeli returned with the coke, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York.

As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

How long must this go on? he asked. This enmity between our peoples….. this hatred… this animosity… this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?

Top Ten Things Men Know About Women

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There are more jokes like this at http://www.dirtylaughs.com

Pepito va a ver a su madre acompañado de su amiguita:

Mamá, ¿verdad que a nuestra edad no se puede tener niños? ¿verdad, mamá?

Claro que no, corazón. Ustedes son demasiado pequeños para eso, responde la madre, sonriendo.

Entonces, volviéndose hacia su amiguita:

Ves, yo te dije que no tenía caso que me retirara…

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?

A: Ground beef.

If at first you dont succeed, cheat!

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?

A: From crawling across the street when the sign said DONT WALK.